Blogher…blahblahblahblawlawgher – oh to be a part of the popular crowd, eh?
Really quick before I get into my question, let me tell you this. I am the nerdy girl on the other side of the lunchroom watching you guys (all the popular girls) talk about what a great weekend you had. And, I? I’m sitting there wondering why I am not one of you? And, so, I give you this.
The first year I heard about Blogher I thought, “oh well, it’s just for the famous bloggers anyway.” I read the recaps, I looked at the photos and I recall that my father was the biggest go-to-a-conference and socialize person I ever knew. It’s another long story but he was much involved in education and every summer he would go to conferences in far off places (remember, I’ve never left the southern states so when I say far off places, I could very well mean Dallas, New York or San Francisco). From the age of 14 I would stay home alone, for 2 weeks while my father did his thing. No one believed that any sane man would trust a 14 year old at home alone for 2 weeks without any method of transportation, but he did, and never once did I get in trouble. The summer before I got my driver licenses he left me home alone with the car and the keys. I was really a good kid, I am not joking.
But, back to going-to-conferences and socializing. I was born almost a ditto baby. I talk a lot, I rarely meet strangers, I love groups of people and I was always the life of the party. So, although I knew Blogher 1 was not for me, I was tempted by Blogher 2. One reason I was tempted was because Miss Zoot was going and she was actually speaking. She was just a good ol’ Alabama/Tennessee girl like me. As far as I knew she had never traveled abroad to study or lived as an exchange student or any of the things that intimidate me the most by many bloggers. She was normal, like me. But, I talked myself out of it. For one, we had just bought the daycare and there was no way I could afford to be away from the daycare for an entire week. Financially we couldn’t really afford it either, but I could just see my father rolling over in his grave in the middle of po-dunk nowhere thinking “what kind of girl is this I have raised…go ye…go forth…party little lady…have some fun”. Yet, I still didn’t go to the conference.
By the time Blogher 3 rolled around, I knew I wasn’t one of the popular girls. I knew that Blogher is for those who are in a click and I don’t belong. I’ve never been too intimidated by the popular girls (guys) before. I entered high school knowing no one. I had moved, I went to a brand new school all alone without one single familiar face. I went straight to the popular crowd and I made myself part of their “click”. How? Why? Did it matter?
Sure it matter. Ask anyone if it matters. If they tell you that being part of the popular click is not important, they are lying. I’m just saying.
So, now, Blogher is over AGAIN and I still didn’t go and I’m still not part of the popular group and I doubt I ever will be. You see, I basically blog for myself. If I make any money off of my blogs, it basically goes into what we call the “free money” fund at our house. That means that we use that money for extra stuff that we might not otherwise buy, do, visit, etc.
But, I do have a question, I posing this question to every blogger linked to in this post and I wonder just how many of them will take the time to answer. It isn’t a big deal, it isn’t that I’m picking on them because I’m a little nerd and I think it will make me popular (because it may piss them off, again, not my intentions, but sometimes, things get all messed up) or am I asking because I expect some emotional, intellectual, long-thought out answer. I’m asking for a plain and simple answer, nothing else to it. Just plain and simple. What’s the question? The question is this:
You all started out as normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself bloggers and that made you famous. How can you continue to write about your life as if it is a normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself life when you are receiving, in some cases, enough monetary payments to live off of your blog?
* Again, I do not mean this to be pointed at any one blogger or another, I’m linking to a lot of blogs I’ve read in the last few days about Blogher and I’m just curious.
* And, if you could put me on the popular list, I’d surely appreciate it. Just kidding about the last part, trying to lighten the tone because when I re-read this it sounds way more critical and harmful than I meant for it to. And, I proofed and re-wrote and still, it sounds mean, but from the bottom of my heart, I don’t mean for it to be hateful, I’m truly interested in how ones life can be considered normal when they are boarding a plane every few days now and 3,5, 8 years ago before their blog they were boarding the A-train for a tiny cubicle. No more apologies, let’s just see how it works out.
* Obviously I’m in great fear of hurting someone’s feelings and that truly is not my intent. My intent is also not that you invite me to sit at your table for lunch next week. My intent, truly is have you realized as a popular blogger that what you wrote in the beginning about your “normal” life is so different than what you right now about your “normal” life because the definition of “normal” changed so dramatically over the years. I really don’t mean to be a cold hearted *&)&_. I am just curious.
Also, know I went through all the blogs on my feeder, then I followed all the links at least once. Sometimes I even followed the links of the links of the person on my feeder and sometimes I didn’t. But, I did read at least one Blogher post from everyone on this list of people that I hope will take the time to answer my little question.
So, here goes the list: (I’ve been working on this since early in the week so pardon the fact that you are getting straight links and not pretty names that link to blogs. Time, even with mono putting me to bed, there’s only so much daylight time that can be spend in bed reading about Blogher.
Without further ado, I give you…..MY LIST of bloggers I wish to answer my question and if you get here by some other method, and would like to answer, please, by all means join the fun (or at least I hope it is fun).
http://motherhooduncensored.typepad.com/
http://badladies.blogspot.com/
http://laidoffdad.typepad.com/
http://backpackingdad.blogspot.com/
http://www.uppercasewoman.com/
http://www.rancidraves.blogspot.com/
http://amommystory.blogspot.com/
http://suburbanturmoil.blogspot.com/
http://gwendomama.blogspot.com/
http://jennnster.blogspot.com/
http://www.nothingbutbonfires.com/
http://www.agirlandaboy.com/journal
http://backpackingdad.blogspot.com
http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/
http://momtothescreamingmasses.typepad.com/
http://badladies.blogspot.com/
http://droolstreet.blogspot.com/
http://gonecompletelyferal.blogspot.com/
http://www.finslippy.com/finslippy/
http://redstapler23.blogspot.com/
http://badladies.blogspot.com/
http://jonathonmorgan.net/wordpress/
http://suburbanturmoil.blogspot.com/
http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com/
http://laidoffdad.typepad.com/
http://www.threekidcircus.com/
http://mayberrymom.blogspot.com/
http://richinteriorworld.blogspot.com/
http://yetanotherbloomingblog.blogspot.com/
http://www.momtothescreamingmasses.typepad.com/
http://www.immoralmatriarch.com/
http://tinykingdom.typepad.com/
http://zipntizzy.blogspot.com/
http://www.secret-agent-josephine.com/
http://www.notesfromthetrenches.com/
http://www.simply.shenuts.com/
http://www.mommyneedsacocktail.com/
http://www.stephanieklein.blogs.com/
http://yetanotherbloomingblog.blogspot.com/
http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com/
I realize that this is a mighty long list. There’s nothing wrong with a long list except Holy Mother of Shana’na’how am I suppose to add all these folks to my bloglines and keep up. As it is I stay behind, I’ve got to get a better system. But, I’m anxious to see just how many of these ladies have time to answer my question.
* One more thing, if someone’s name is on the list twice, that just goes to show you how they kept being linked to on every site I came across. Sometimes I remembered and sometimes…..the mono brain I’m nursing can’t remember crap.
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This post has 64 comments
July 25th, 2008
Okay, first: did you read my last post? None of us – ‘popular’ or not – are beyond feeling vulnerable, lonely, ‘outside.’ Seriously. WE ARE GEEKS OF THE INTERNET. We are not Angelina. We’re not even Kathy Griffiths (okay, maybe Dooce exceeds Kathy Griffiths. But the rest of us? HA.) I don’t think of myself as quote-unquote popular – I’ve gotten some great things out of blogging – including money (not buckets, I should add), including friends, but mostly fulfilment – but it’s still all about the writing for me.
So – “How can you continue to write about your life as if it is a normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself life when you are receiving, in some cases, enough monetary payments to live off of your blog?” Why would/could I not? The writing has always and will always come first. I’ve *always* written for myself, *and* for an audience (imaginary or otherwise) – if I didn’t want to be read I’d keep a journal in my bedside drawer. The fact that I make some money – SOME – from it now doesn’t change that.
The blogosphere is not comprised of populars and unpopulars, not where it counts – it’s comprised of writers. Some have bigger readerships, some have smaller. But we all do it for the love of writing. And maybe a free Wii. But mostly for the love. And there’s room for all of us. You too. Really
July 25th, 2008
“You all started out as normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself bloggers and that made you famous. How can you continue to write about your life as if it is a normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself life when you are receiving, in some cases, enough monetary payments to live off of your blog?”
Jerri, I’m not sure where you got the idea that I make ANY money from my blog…I don’t. It’s not monetized at all. And I’m nowhere near famous. And, when I did start freelancing, which is how I make my living, my blog was anonymous and kept totally separate from my “professional” website, so blogging really had nothing to do with me launching a career as a writer. (I know that may not be the case for others.)That said, the life of a writer, even one who’s being paid for it, IS just a normal, every day life. It’s hardly glamorous. We still do stuff with our kids and families, and we still write about it. Whether or not there’s any money involved seems pretty irrelevant. I think you may be misinformed about the reality of most bloggers’ lives; my life is hardly glamorous just because I may board a plane once a year. I’ve had some cool opportunities come to me through blogging, but most of the year, my life is just the regular life of a regular mom: diapers, laundry, dishes, and trying to meet deadlines.
As for the “popular” crowd…honestly, I understand that feeling, because my blog does not have a huge readership and last year I went to BlogHer after winning a last-minute contest thinking I’d have NO ONE to talk to. I was also a little jaded because the previous year, I hadn’t gone and found all the pre-, during- and post-BlogHer chatter more than a little annoying and exclusionary–I didn’t realize how HARD it is not to talk about something like this after you’ve had a chance to come home and let it all settle! But I try not to be too obnoxious about it
Anyway, I had a point here, and the point is this: when I went in 07, I was so out of the loop that not only was I not invited to any invite-only parties, I didn’t even know there WERE such a thing. I buddied up with a small group of ladies from the get-go, and pretty much hung with them, and the people they introduced me to, the whole time. And I had a great time. This year I knew a few more people, but again, I am not an A or even B+ lister and am not generally well known in the blog world….and people were still very friendly to me and I had a lot of great conversations. I think if you go in believing that people will want to talk to you and are interested in meeting you, you really won’t be disappointed.
July 25th, 2008
Wow. I’m kind of surprised to be on the list. LOL.
I don’t actually make money off the blog and I do believe I’m still firmly in the camp of blogging for myself…but I’ve made friendships through blogging, reciprocal connections through reading and commenting that I’ve reinforced through meeting these people in face to face encounters, BlogHer and otherwise. The whole reason I attend BlogHer is to get to see these friends I get to see only once a year usually.
In the end, I blog for me. I blog because it is cheap therapy. Because I say things on my blog I’d never say face to face, because I’m a private person. Because I’ve gotten to know some amazing people through it and have made some real friendships. I blog because I love it.
July 25th, 2008
You realize you just made my day, right?
Alas, it’s a mistake–I’m a small time blogger, and receive no compensation for my online musings. Though, given my ass issues, I really *should* get an endorsement from Preparation H. When that happens, I’ll probably be better situated to answer your question.
July 25th, 2008
Hi!
My short response is, “Huh?”
Medium-length one is, “Eh?”
I am not now, nor have I ever been a lady, and I do take exception to the group email and the fairly taunting set up (let’s see how many will take the time to answer, etc.). Not so terribly sporting, I’d say. That said, I’m totally glad to share my take on your questions, now that I have both the kids in bed.
“You all started out as normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself bloggers and that made you famous.”
Er, not famous yet. A legend in my own lunchtime, at best. Though how the heck does one quantify famous. Am not recognized in line at the grocery store, don’t ever expect to be. Glad that what I’m writing is able to have some kind of positive impact on some folks, and that is so far pretty much it.
“How can you continue to write about your life as if it is a normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself life when you are receiving, in some cases, enough monetary payments to live off of your blog?”
I make ZIP, ZIPPO, ZIPPERINO of my blog project. I recently started selling swag on CafePress to begin to put a dent in the $$ I shell out annually to support it. So far I’ve cleared enough to buy a friend a cup of coffee. I will count myself lucky if I eventually break even.
And I write about issues, using my life and the lives of my family members as jumping off points. I expect that to remain as salient in ten years (if I’m still doing this) as it is now. Frankly, until my kind of family is not vilified by half the people in half the states of the union, I figure I’ll continue to have meaningful things to write about. And I don’t see any potential wider recognition having much of an impact on that.
And anyway, I never was writing just for myself. Never was. I began with a mission, and I still have it, and it is to (1) make community with other lesbian parents, to help us along at this point in our broader journeys as a developing community, and (2) draw together other folks who are kindred spirits inside and outside this community, and work together to make our parenting — and our living — more filled with love and compassion. For the betterment of our kids.
So. Another important point is that I think it’s problematic for any of us to assume that the medium of the blog determines, necessarily, the content in it. There’s a presumption of unanimity of purpose across all these different blogs, and I’ll bet that’s not the case.
For instance, whenever I’ve written, it was never a private journal entry which I opened to public scrutiny and then got surprised when anyone read it. I began writing a blog after I published an essay (on the topic of lesbian parenthood), and it has all along been an open conversation with others, one which I hope will help me understand myself and others better and, as a result, hopefully have a positive impact on my immediate and surrounding communities. All along I’ve been developing a book project along the topical lines of the blog.
I regarded BlogHer as a “professional” conference (odd word since I’m still not making a cent, but would rather pull out of the red, but still). The warmth of so many people there was a bonus, but not the object of my attending. I wanted to learn a lot, and I felt I did. I can’t imagine anyone going and not learning a lot.
Okay! There you go! Kid’s a callin’ from the bedroom, must fly. Hope you get something back from this, and hope it de-mystifies things a bit.
July 26th, 2008
Hello. I write Whoopee. I am not famous. To answer your money question, I make £nothing from my blog: I don’t carry adverts, I don’t do T-shirts. I probably ought to, because I am skint. My wallet has big comedy moths flying out of it.
A
July 26th, 2008
well. i think my name got on this list by some sort of accident, because i don’t make much money off my blog AT ALL. like, really, nothing to speak of.
i will say that i thought i had no business being at the conference, and i ended up having the BEST TIME EVER.
so, does this count as a good enough answer?
July 26th, 2008
Hm. I think you have me confused with someone else. I have about 150 people visiting a day, and I guess you could liberally double that for people reading in feed readers. Very few, I expect, actually finish reading each post. Still a nice number, but nothing like “famous.” And between my little Google ad and a couple of Amazon links, I might make $5 or so in a good month — doesn’t even pay the hosting fee.
But that sidesteps the question a bit… To me, there are two aspects to writing: being true to my own experience (that’s the part you asked about) and something I loosely call “writing for audience.” I could to the former by journaling alone, but for the latter, I need to write with a reader in mind.
It changes my whole affect when I know that there are people (even if only a few) reading what I’m writing. On a practical level, I’m more careful not to be boring, I watch my grammar, I look out for formatting that’s obnoxious. On a more functional level, I obsess over brevity and style and word choice.
That kind of writing — writing for audience — isn’t for getting famous, as I doubt I ever will. Writing that way, knowing that I’ve got people reading (yes, just a very few), it makes me *think* more about my experiences, it forces me to establish some intellectual framework around my otherwise nebulous existence as a parent and a person.
And that’s important.
In one of my previous careers we had a saying: “The presentation of information *is* information.” In other words, by writing quasi-professionally, I’m increasing the value of the words themselves, ultimately making them more useful to some future incarnation of myself or my daughter.
So that’s my story. I’ll let you know if it changes when I get famous.
Dd.
P.S. Oh… and I’m not a lady. I just hang out with them.
P.P.S. It’s funny that I claimed “brevity” as one of my obsessions, given the length of this puppy, huh? Sorry.
July 26th, 2008
* I didn’t go to BlogHer
* I’m not famous, by any stretch of the imagination
* If I tried to live off my ad revenue I’d have to start blogging about life in a homeless shelter with two kids.
(Which, now that I think of it… GOLDEN!)
I’m thinking I had to have gotten added to this list by some fault copy and paste or something.
July 26th, 2008
Oh heavens, first of all I’m flattered to be on your list. Second of all, I had the sheer good fortune to meet almost everyone on your list and I’m pleased to say that all of them would say hello to you, have you sit at their table and be genuinely interested in what you have to say.
It only takes a passion for blogging to start a conversation with another blogger.
I think the reason a lot of “cliques” seem to form is because when you reach a certain point in blogging, it’s nice to be able to relate to others who have the same issues. Like trolls, or endless emails about “ADVERTISE FOR ME! SELL MY STUFF!”
But, your question was how to get to that point.
I dunno.
I can tell you I’m blessed to be where I’m at with the lovely readers that I have. I don’t know how other people do it. I guess a lot of it is writing honest content and hoping the “right” people come across it.
For example, I was just writing about my life when I got a comment from Jess at Oh, the Joys. Then she linked me. Then more people came, then more people linked.
Two years later here I am. (Not that I’m anything great by any means.)
You have to write in a way that will hook a wide audience if you want to appeal to a lot of people, however there is something to be said about the smaller communities of bloggers who support each other in things such as miscarriage, infertility, death and grieving.
I am not rolling in the dough like some bloggers. And yes, even I get envious of what other people are offered and the opportunities that they have, but along with the popularity and the offers come drama, strings, trolls and attacks on yourself and a lot of times your family.
Uh, no thanks.
I’m hoping someone else will answer your question first before I hit submit. I don’t want to look like the eager dork in the front row with all the opinions and my hand in the air.
Good on you for having the balls to post this and pose the question I think a lot of people really want to know.
July 26th, 2008
How can you continue to write about your life as if it is a normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself life when you are receiving, in some cases, enough monetary payments to live off of your blog?
I don’t make enough money to live off of my blog, I think there are very,very few people who are able to do that solely off of ad revenue from their personal blogs.
And I write about my boring, normal, everyday life because that is really all I have to write about. I don’t think that what I write about has changed over the years. I am not sure why you would think any one of us is not living a “normal” life.
I certainly don’t board planes every few days either. Just thinking about that is exhausting.
July 26th, 2008
I’m totally flattered, but I think you have me on the wrong list. In the 3 years I’ve been blogging I’ve made less than $300 altogether. I work as an analyst in real life and although I get lots of comments on one of my blogs, my life is pretty much exactly the same as it was before. Nothing has changed except that I have the opportunity to meet fabulous people that I never would have been able to find otherwise and those people have given me the support to be my weird self without fear of being shunned.
You should go to the next blogher. I’ve found it to be welcoming and wonderful. It’s the one place where you can go cry in the bathroom and perfect strangers will hug you and tell you they understand. That doesn’t happen just anywhere.
July 26th, 2008
What Bad said. It’s the community and the love of writing and gathering people around our individual fires. Write and engage with authenticity and folks will be drawn to it.
Money? Hardly. That makes me giggle.
July 26th, 2008
My husband just said, “Tell her to come to KC and see how glamorous we are not.” Some of the folks on this list make good money off their blogging, but bless your heart, I am not one of them. I hope to find more freelancing/consulting opportunities, but for now I work 40 hours a week as an editor at a regular job, go home, take care of my kid, and then blog or work on the book until 11 most nights. It’s really hard, mostly unpaid
work. I think the question was how do you write about your life as though it’s normal? My answer is that it’s still normal. M
aybe more tiring than before the blog, but normal. Will the book change all that? I doubt it, except I am happy to have done something I promised myself that I would do.
July 26th, 2008
I got your emails last night right before I went to bed with the flu, and it was a good thing, because it gave me something to ponder while I was lying there with flu-induced insomnia. So thanks for the distraction.
I think you have it all wrong about BlogHer. I have been there 3 years in a row, and I have never, ever been snubbed thought I am crazy enough to walk up to people I have never met and never heard of to ask “Will you take a picture with my red stapler?” There are definite friendships and groups, but as far as cliques, I haven’t found closed societies like you find in high school.
And as far as being famous, I like to think of myself like Maggie Mason’s (Mighty Girl’s) old tag line “Famous among dozens.” A small segment of blog society knows me because I am a fanatic reader and commenter. I read blogs from 2-6 hours a day, depending on what is going on in the rest of my life. That may seem excessive, but I don’t have children or a TV, so for me, reading good writing is what entertains me.
And as far as making a living – I know of one person who makes most or all of her living off personal blogging: Dooce. I have met a few others who blog for companies or who edit a group of blogs and who manage to make a living off of it. Most people blog for part of their income and have a full-time job, several part-time jobs or are SAHMs who use the money to supplement the family income.
Me, I make between $18-$20 a month off BlogHer ads. That’s it. I find it hard to believe that that would affect my blogging. (And I donate that money to charity). Just because I don’t write about work doesn’t mean I don’t have a job. I have two – a job in communications for a Fortune 500 company that I feel compensates me well and a part-time job as a newspaper journalist that keeps me in really good coffee beans and necklaces from Etsy.
I hope you get up the nerve to come to BlogHer. It is so much fun to meet the writers you admire and to find out they are just as real and just as much of a mess as you are, no matter what kind of cute shoes they wear.
July 26th, 2008
First, the definition of normal is arbitrary. Secondly, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing on this list. There isn’t a blogger so big that they no longer have to take out their own trash.
Thirdly, I am still and will always be writing for myself first, other people second. The constant in this is that I’ve always written, even back when I was a kid and no one read. If you write for fame, it’s evident. If you write for you, well, that’s evident, too.
And who cares about gaining popularity. HONESTLY. It’s fast becoming the death of quality writing online. I’d rather be known as a good writer than a popular writer. Not that some popular writers aren’t good at what they do, but it seems a lot of people are more concerned with popularity than with telling a compelling story.
July 26th, 2008
I’m not on the list, though I did write about BlogHer (and have attended for several years now). But I imagine that has more to do with not being “a-list” than anything else.
I did want to say that I think a lot of these gals that you linked ARE normal people. They DON’T make a lot of money via their blog. I think Dooce (indirectly) makes enough to live off of, but at best, these women are able to scrape a supplementary income that allows them to stay at home, fill their gas tank, whatever else.
If there is one thing I have learned by going to BlogHer it is that we really ARE all in the same boat and normal human beings with normal problems and lives and insecurities.
Even though you weren’t necessarily looking for my opinion, there I went and gave it to you anyhow.
July 26th, 2008
I will be the first to admit that I am FAMOUS. I can get a table anywhere in the world just by dropping my name, and even though i’m rolling in the dough, they comp our meal. Sometimes I can’t even walk down the street without bodyguards, especially in a place like Cannes where we own our fourth home. So I take comfort in the clique of blogher, knowing that once a year I can spend a weekend with all 1000 of my closest friends and talk smack about the lesser bloggers. Oh, for how we pity them. In fact I often ask for another blogger’s stats, in writing, bedore i will deign to shake her hand.
Or I could give you the other story, the one I save for the rare person who I think can handle the truth:
I’m just another geek with a free blogspot account.
July 26th, 2008
Or…you can come to Upstate NY and watch me live it up with my crazy cat and watch me pray I haven’t overdrafted from my checking account. AGAIN.
I don’t think anyone on this list would find themselves to be famous in any sense of the word. Seriously when I discuss blogging stuff with people in “real life” they don’t care nor do they have any clue as to who I am speaking of. It’s such a miniscule part of life that is only blown out of proportion immediately before/during/immediately after a giant conference like BlogHer. Other than that we’re all still really boring people who have fun manipulating the English language to make the mundane a tad more interesting. We’re also people who have met some of our nearest and dearest through this shady little world on the internet. That is all. I make enough to get my eyebrows done once a month. So I’m really grateful that my readers have spared me the embarrassment of walking around with a unibrow.
July 26th, 2008
I’ll join the chorus saying I don’t think I’m famous. At BlogHer I had no more than a dozen people come up to me because they read my blog and wanted to meet me.
As I just said in my second-to-last post, you get out of BlogHer what you bring to it. If I came in with a chip on my shoulder, focusing on all the popular bloggers and their cliques, I’d have a damned shitty time.
Instead I was able to see all that stuff aside and just focus on what I was there for–to meet like-minded folks. I spoke to nearly everyone on your list and they were all universally gracious and kind. I sat down at tables where I knew no one and engaged in some of the most fascinating conversations. I got a stack of business cards two inches tall and I have visited every blog (OK, I have about a third to go) and added them all to my read feeder.
The truth is, 80% of folks at BlogHer are like you. Only a small amount of folks are “famous”. And frankly? I would say the famous folks had the worst time. It was those of us that were fairly anonymous that managed to meet and mingle and have a blast.
I’m not sure, though, that this post was the best way to endear yourself to those that DO go. It’s nice to be asked to comment, but I feel like you dislike me for having a good time.
July 26th, 2008
I recently met a great deal of the women on your list at BlogHer and I think you’d be surprised at how normal and down to earth they are – they don’t see themselves as “popular” and I was so pleasantly surprised to learn they are just LIKE ME! Heck, SusanW and I were wearing the same jacket one day!
I do hope you’ll come to BlogHer. It’s like being in a big room with all the best friends you never knew you had.
July 26th, 2008
I’m kind of loving that the initial response seems to be, “Erm, I think I’m on the wrong list.” LOL. On some level we’re all just slightly geeky folks behind a computer screen. Heh.
July 26th, 2008
I believe you’ve answered many of your own questions… Or at least I found my answer in much of your post.
I’m just a mom who reads blogs for a sense of community… one that’s hard to create in real life due to the relentlessness of parenting. I wanted to hear what other parents were really feeling, after their kids went to sleep at night.
I started writing to have some sense of self outside of my children. To remind myself who I was before I became a mom. I’ve been writing my blog for less than 6 months. I only started pushing for traffic about 3 months ago.
I joined the ad network more for the traffic, and to be part of the Blogher community, than for the money. (I have not yet received my first check, but I suspect it will be worth less than the stamp that sent it.)
I’m not planning to make money from my blog. I hope to someday write for pay in other arena’s, in order to keep my resume current, and for a sense of solvency. I was raised by a single mother, and while I feel blessed to be home with my kids now, I know better than to believe that life ever lets you sit comfortable forever.I too was raised an only child. I too moved a LOT. I tend to believe that most writers struggle with a lot of the issues your addressing. Who else would spend so much of their free time locked up in a room with a computer? But that’s the amazing thing about the internet. You can be a solitary person by nature, and still find community doing what you love.
If your father is rolling over in his grave, as you pose this question, it’s because he knows that you don’t find what your looking for if you just sit and wait for it to find you. The internet is the first step. You can be at home and still get yourself out there. You have to keep doing what you did today. Write to the people who you read. Write on their comments pages! And promise yourself, if you can’t afford to travel to the conference, at least go, when it comes to you.
July 26th, 2008
I’m torn between feeling flattered and a wee bit emotionally hijacked into replying here. However, I know that wasn’t your intent and it’s an important topic and one that people are really curious about. Besides, other bloggers have been very kind to me when I have reached out to them, so here it goes.
Yup. I still write for me. However, I also write for my audience. It’s a two way street. However, it is kind of like my singing. I sing in the shower. I’ve also sung in front of thousands of people. I’m still singing, it’s just in different forms. It’s ALWAYS for me but for the enjoyment of other people. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I would ask you a favor. Have you gone and read the blogs of each of these people that you linked to? Because really, some people have been writing about these very topics (Like Her bad mother).
I am in the wilds of Washington state and on vacation w/crappy internet, so may I please direct you to these two posts I wrote in the last week about these very things? I really hope you read them because it addresses these SO much more thoroughly than I can here.
Hey, Jealousy (Of the blogging kind, of course) and also BlogHer:Making lemonade out of the damn lemons that keep falling on your head
July 26th, 2008
Sorry, those are two links but they are highlighted as one. Let me know if there is a problem. I hope it helps and I hope you come to blogher 09. You can sit at my table any time.
July 26th, 2008
For me, the blog thing is sort of a wonderful fantasy in which I can open my laptop and read lots of nice e-mails and comments and people actually seem to care what I have to say.
And then I close my laptop and I wipe butts all day and fold laundry and can’t get waited on in Applebees. On the rare occasions that people ask me what I DO for a living and I tell them about my online “career,” they say something like, (and I’m being totally word-for-word serious here) “You write about YOUR LIFE? WHY would I want to read about that?”
I’ve gotten several writing gigs as a result of my blog and I treat them like writing gigs. I write for my readers, I write to pass muster with the editor, and I write for the money. But I BLOG for myself. My blog is my own space. Period. I think that’s true of most everyone on your list of “popular” people. And going to BlogHer doesn’t mean you’re popular, by the way. It means that you saved up enough money to go or were lucky enough to win a contest and attend on someone else’s dime. No more, no less.
July 26th, 2008
I’m not sure how I got on this list of “popular” bloggers and in such great company with such fabulous women and fabulous writers, but I am flattered.
For one, I don’t even have ads on my site. I’m not sure I ever will. I think it could be a great way to offset the measly costs that I pay to my hosting company yearly (because seriously, that would be all I would make).
As for BlogHer, I will share MY experience with you, as a first-timer. I skipped out on the BlogHer in Chicago last year (I LIVE IN CHICAGO) because I didn’t know anyone and I couldn’t work up the balls to go. I had these same feelings as you. AND I KICK MYSELF FOR THAT NOW.
This year I went. And I had a small, small group of people that I had emailed with and felt like I knew and I figured that would make things easier because when in doubt, I had my 2 roomies to velcro myself to.
The whole experience is overwhelming. And I’m sure the people who have been to every one would tell you the same thing. There are ONE THOUSAND women all in the same room.
All in all, I had heard of maybe 20 blogs in the room that first day at BlogHer. Seriously. And I have over 200 in my feed reader. There are TONS of blogs out there, some with two readers, some with two thousand. But WE ARE ALL THE SAME.
But the way to get through it is to stop feeling like you’re the nerdy girl in the corner and to just go talk to anyone and everyone. BlogHer IS for everyone. I didn’t meet a single mean or rude person.
Let’s face it, none of us are famous. Even a Dooce, out in the real world, is just some woman with a website. We are all women that write on websites, plain and simple.
If you want to talk popular bloggers and famous bloggers and see how much of the world we reach, come into my office and talk to my co-workers who have never even heard of blogs.
As for my blog, I write for me. Are comments and emails and all that nice? Hell yeah. But I write what I want. And I hope I never have to get to a place where I have to censor myself in my space because that totally defeats the purpose of why I started my blog.
July 26th, 2008
I’m so famous from my blog that I can’t afford to have my family’s teeth fixed, am unable to have the transmission fixed on my husband’s car so I have to drive my husband to work if I have things to do and am wondering how I’ll afford to pay my bills next month now that the husband has been laid off.
And really, I’m too emotionally drained from this Famous Life and all of the luxuries that come with it to say anything more about it.
July 26th, 2008
I was going to write *exactly* what Lindsey wrote above me. My blog is for me. I’ve gotten some great opportunities off of it, but, ultimately, those are not blog opportunities but writing ones, if that makes sense. It IS nice to get flattering emails – but really sucky to get the bad ones that tell you that you are a horrible person who should have their children taken away.
How can I keep writing about my life as if it was the same? Simple. It IS the same. Same kids, same me, same yelling and screaming and ice cream eating. The fact that I receive some money doesn’t change how I write or what I write or how I live my life. I still have outside employment.
And I had to laugh at what Polly said – not recognized at the grocery. I was, for a day – when I was in the local newspaper for blogging. The next day, same grocery, no one knew me. I’ve boarded a plane for blogging four times. Three of them on my own dime. Not every 3 days.
Blogher is open to anyone who can get there. Period.
July 26th, 2008
Wow. I suspect a brief perusal of my site’s stats would quickly dispel any ill-conceived notions as to my so-called “popularity”.
Mildly flattered to be over here, definitely a wee bit embarrassed. Truly.
July 26th, 2008
nice bait. sure, i’ll take it.
i’m with HBM, really. i’m just a geek who found a bunch of other like-minded geeks whose writing i enjoy. there is not clique. let me repeat that: THERE IS NO CLIQUE. or, if there is a clique, i’m not a part of it. i believe in individual relationships with individual people. i fucking LOATHE group think, and would never participate in anything smacking of that — to my betterment OR my detriment.
i don’t even know what A-list means. and i certainly do not identify with it.
and money? i make the equivalent of a high-paying part time job working THREE blogs, a helluva a lotta work. in terms of time/energy spent for the pay-off, i’d likely be better off getting a job at the local bookstore. i’ve seriously considered it, believe me.
so please, give me a break, people have no idea what our lives are like — even the most highly trafficked blogs i know barely eek out a meager salary (and with no benefits! yay!). Dooce is a TOTAL abberation. if it weren’t for the fact that my partner makes a respectable salary (read: essentially carries us financially) there’s no way in hell i’d be able to keep doing this.
though i will say that the poontang makes it all worthwhile.
July 26th, 2008
This is nice, and a little bit crazy. “Boarding a plane every few days…”?
Perspective is always skewed.
There are lots of communties out there, and being in a clique is not the same as being in a community. What I saw at BlogHer was a community that I’ve chosen to participate in, not just witness, come together for a great big group hug.
Surely there are smaller communities, but even these I wouldn’t call cliques.
Blogging popularity has almost nothing to do with income. And BlogHer attendance has nothing to do with blogging popularity or income from a blog. I have no ads whatsoever on my blog and my readership was very small.
But I READ a lot of blogs, and I COMMENT on a lot of blogs, and I’ve gotten to know other bloggers through that process, that community-oriented process. If I had thought about it as a clique I doubt I ever would have left any comments anywhere, and then I would be kicking myself when I read about BlogHer and the writers I know meeting in person, because I would have realized that some small effort on my part could have introduced me to that community instead of leaving me on the sidelines. Then, depressed and feeling outcast I would have let my blog die.
This is coming off like a lecture, but I feel a little entitled to lecture you about it because my name is up on that list something like 4 times and that seems like exactly how you’ve gone wrong. Your premise is wrong.
I only introduced myself to people twice at BlogHer, because I felt completely shy and out of place. One of those times was a disaster and the other was as I expected it would go. But I don’t regret going one bit.
So, long rambly comment coming to a close: the only clique is the one you create in your own head about a community you’d rather watch than try to join.
This sounds mean, and I don’t intend it that way but I don’t have the wherewithal to go back and edit it for kindness. Just know that if you carry that bad premise around in your head that you will always get things wrong and you will wonder where your own success is.
July 26th, 2008
PS: I love what Kristabella said: “Let’s face it, none of us are famous. Even a Dooce, out in the real world, is just some woman with a website. We are all women that write on websites, plain and simple.” TRUE DAT.
i wrote my blog long before there was such thing as advertising on blogs. i’ve never written for the money. when i get that job at the local bookstore, i’ll STILL write my blog. The End.
July 26th, 2008
What was the question again? Just kidding. I think everyone else has answered better than I ever could. I would love to stay and discuss but…. well, it’s been said and my messy house is calling me. I will say that I don’t consider myself in the “in” crowd and I don’t think anybody else does either. If I am, then the “in” crowd is pretty big these days. I’m thinking it’s cool to be un-cool.
July 26th, 2008
A lot of the people you see linked all the time have done something out of the ordinary: written or contributed to a book, traveled around the country organizing blogger meetups, written for multiple blogs, etc. Even something as simple as attending the BlogHer conference multiple times can make a blogger more recognizable and well known in the relatively small world of blogging.
July 26th, 2008
Not on the list….at all…but I think you have to realize to there is a HUGE difference between POPULAR and Monetized.
There are some ladies out there who are amazingly popular..get HUNDREDS of comments and are worshipped..most deserve it…based on writing skilz alone.
Making money from said writing skilz is what I think most writers would dream about…making money from writing!? Even most authors barely scrape by.
Having a monetized blog and making money from a blog really doesn’t have much to do with the popularity contest that you are talking about.
Are there cliques? Sure there are? I don’t think you can avoid it.
Once a blogger makes a hard core group of friends that spreads in to a hardcore fan base…you are going to get cliqueness…it cant’ really be avoided.
At BlogHer…I took none of it personally and I managed to meet and hang with bloggers that I new and barely new and it was a real honour.
Did I talk to the big guns? No.
Some I wished I had..sure…but I am not a fan boy and was more than happy to see people whose WRITING I admire to be surrounded by people who were obviously dear dear friends.
Do I envy those friendships? SURE I do…but I don’t begrudge them either.
While Heather/Dooce is probably a very nice person…she writes a nice blog..but it was because she got mass media attention about her blog and the repurcussions of her blog that have brought her her ‘fame.’…not necessarily the quality of the work….media attention has created her huge fan base more than anything.
But she is an anomaly…not the norm in the blogging world..mommy or not.
The adulation makes me a bit hinky and uncomfortable..but that is just me.
I also do not expect someone with hundreds of comments to respond to mine…..they will no doubt scan for names they know…I would probably do that too.
We all do have lives beyond our blogs.
We all blog for ourselves more than anything else…the friendships and connections etc are the gravy.
We also have to remember that just because someone writes a great blog post does not necessarily make them your friend or a person that you would like or that they would like you…we are all still different people, from different walks of life.
We don’t have to all love each other.
It is just nice when we do.
So..this was my first BlogHer..I felt anxious, shy and nerdy..all my highschoolness came back….but I still managed to have fun and still managed to ‘get’ the buzz that was flying around.
So I wasn’t part of a group…I still felt the love and that is fine with me.
July 26th, 2008
Of course there are cliques—there are always cliques. I know cliques have got a nasty reputation, but that doesn’t mean they are by their nature nasty. People will always feel more attracted and able to relate better to some people versus others.
Cliques don’t preclude openness and inclusivity and kindness and friendliness, though, especially at conferences like this where everyone is really (so perfectly put by Kristabella) just a person with a Web site, eager to meet others who are people with Web sites, many of whom you’ve seen the things they write somewhere.
And that’s what I found at BlogHer.
Hopefully, also here, where I am answering as a “regular” blogger who is not on your list.
I do, however, know or met some of the people on your list, and they were very nice.
July 26th, 2008
(I don’t want or mean this to come off as harsh, I just wanted to give you the perspective of what you would consider and outsider to that list)
I am not on your list, and rightfully so, because almost no one reads my blog. In fact, before I left for BlogHer, only three of the bloggers on your list had ever heard of me before.
So, when you say, “I knew that Blogher is for those who are in a click and I don’t belong”, I have to raise an eyebrow. I am NOT in the ‘clique’ that you’re referring to, and I went anyway, and I had the time of my dang life.
Not one person snubbed me. I walked right up to and talked to every single person I wanted to say hi to (except Sweetney, but that poor girl, when I had my chance, looked so tired and so frazzled and so pulled in 15 thousand different directions that I didn’t have the heart to bother her), and I was greeted with hugs and handshakes and sincerity. And NONE OF THEM knew who the heck I was.
So, I’m going to have to second Sweetney on this one, because I saw it first hand; there’s no clique. There are just people, and they just blog. We all do, you and me and everyone.
July 26th, 2008
I started writing my blog four months after my almost five year old son died in my arms.
I was isolated, lonely and in the greatest depths of despair a human being can ever face.
Initially, I wanted to reach out and connect with someone…anyone. I wanted to document my journey so my children would understand how deeply I loved them and their brother and how damn hard it was to carry on and put one foot in front of the other.
I was, and still am pleasantly surprised when people take the time to read and comment on my site. I’m just a woman with access to a computer who likes to exercise her writing muscles and finds joy in reading her words and the other words of other great writers using this medium.
I blog not only for myself, but to be able to continue to reach out to other parents who find themselves raising a handicapped child and feel overwhelmed, or worse yet, have had to face that same sea of grief I find myself swimming in every day.
I blog to help remember there is joy out there, no matter what the circumstances life has thrown at them. And I love being able to share that joy with who ever stumbles across my blog.
I wouldn’t consider myself famous, nor would anyone else who knows me in real life. And I’m certainly not an A-lister if Dooce is the standard with which that is being set.
I am, however, filled with gratitude and joy for the out-pouring of friendship and love I have found online and in real life. Swallowing my fear and attending my first BlogHer conference was a life changing event for me, and I will be forever grateful for that.
As for making enough money to support myself or my family, I’m still waiting for that to happen.
And for the record, any and all (small … oh so small) profits I earn off the ads I run on my site go straight to the local children’s hospital as a donation in my son’s name.
I really wish you would have come to BlogHer. I would have loved to have met you.
July 26th, 2008
Some months I make enough for a kickass pair of shoes. Other months, perhaps 1/3 of our grocery bill. I echo Sweetney and Kristabella, when I get home from BlogHer, no one in my city knows me from shit. But I do agree with one thing, there is a perceived A-list and believe me, I am not on it, flattered as I would be to even be considered so. I too started blogging in 2002 when i paid money for my domain, and bandwidth, in fact when I factor that in, the shoe money is even less kickass than I thought. Don’t be jealous or even give us another though, except perhaps to read. One more reader might buy me an M&M.
July 26th, 2008
I feel compelled to leave a comment here, not because I am on your list (because I am not), but because I hung out with a lot of the people that ARE on your list. Did any of them know who the hell I was before BlogHer? Only one. Did that stop me from walking up to “popular” women and introducing myself? No, and a lot of that is because I don’t pay attention to who is supposed to be popular or not. I have a blog, just like they do. No one is better than anyone else (although some are definitely better writers), so don’t forget that.
My readership and my comment count have slowly been increasing over the last few months, and I am floored and honored by that. I don’t have the luxury of spending more time on the internet, I just spend less time on each person’s site, or I visit each with less frequency.
This isn’t a “The Hills” situation where the show completely ignores the fact that the girls have become famous. The women who have enjoyed trips and ad money still have to wipe butts and do the dishes – and they still blog about it.
July 26th, 2008
Have been sick, will answer if I can have a little more time.
Thanks!
July 26th, 2008
Hi. You didn’t link to me because I am not an A-List blogger. The difference between you and me? I WENT to Blogher. I decided I was too old to play the popularity games, and you know what? I HAD A BLAST. I fit in. There were quite a few people I didn’t meet. But I partied with The Bloggess in the bathroom and I hung with some great people. It was one of the best experiences of my life, truly. I am already making plans to sell a kidney next year.
I don’t think there is a “clique” I really don’t. There are just friends who know each other. Some answer comments and some visit, and some don’t have the time. But that doensn’t mean you aren’t WORTH the time.
Truly, most of us are nobodies IRL when it comes to blogging. None of my IRL understand why I blog, but I do, and I love it. Internet fame is sneaky…and fickle.
What I learned at Blogher is that I am doing the right thing. I write, and write well, I have been told. I comment, I read others’ posts. Beyond that, I just keep doing what I love, because it’s a passion. I just made AllTop and know what? I haven’t made a DIME with my blog. Ever. So far. So it is all relative. There was room for me at BlogHer, and there would have been room for you, too.
Hope to meet you next year!
T.
July 26th, 2008
Jerri, you and I have exchanged email. You can be sure that if we met at BlogHer – or anywhere else – I would be thrilled to put a face to the name.
July 26th, 2008
The amazing and awesome thing about BlogHer (the conference in particular) is that it’s the great equalizer. Everyone walks among everyone else and there’s no talk of comments or traffic or readership. It’s just a bunch of people (okay, like 1000) who write about their lives all in one big room.
It’s overwhelming. It’s powerful. And it’s humbling.
People talk of cliques, but most people who take two seconds to think about it realize that the cliques aren’t cliques — they’re just bloggers who work together, know each other well, and happen to be good friends. It’s human nature to cling with those folks that you know and feel comfortable with. But I’d like to think that if anyone came up to anyone else, they’d be welcomed.
I saw it happen all weekend long, and felt the welcome myself by many bloggers I did not know.
I write because I want to tell my story for my kids. And because it’s way cheaper (and more convenient) than therapy.
July 26th, 2008
Oh and I wanted to post this, because I was wondering the same things you were. Difference is, the way I came to my conclusion. And I want you to know that I met women at BlogHer that have become dear friends for life. If I had stayed home and felt sorry for myself, I would have missed out on that experience.
Here is the post, please read and see what you think…not to link to it, but because it might help you understand. http://casadecruz.blogspot.com/2008/07/what-i-learned-at-blogher-08-2.html
Hope It Helps.
Take care,
T.
July 26th, 2008
T@SendChocolate said it all……
You are so right, this is exactly what was getting at….I could have saved myself so much mental anguish if I could have found you before I started typing last night. Great job! Thanks.
July 26th, 2008
I’m extra surprised to be on your list, because not only am I not famous (among bloggers or anyone else), not only do I not make any money from blogging (my blogher ads bring in a few bucks a month if that), … I only went to three sessions of blogher this year, because my kid was sick.
She still is, and I haven’t slept in two weeks because of it, so I can’t spend any more time on a more eloquent reply.
July 26th, 2008
Wow. So not an A list BlogHer, but I guess I hang out with them. When I went to BlogHer last year for the first time, I met most of the people on your list. Some of them were already noted bloggers, some weren’t. But all of them were gracious and friendly and just all around great men and women.
This year, I pretty much hung out with the same people b/c we already “knew” each other and those blogging relationships are the main reason I go to BlogHer.
I agree that a clique is something you create in your mind. Not every blogger receiving a comment from you is going to come back and comment. It had to do with time allocation, not snobbishness. We all have lives outside our blogs and I know that on the (extremely rare) occasion when I get 60 comments, I don’t have time to visit every site. I have 2 boys to raise and a real job to do.
Come to BlogHer next year and you’ll see for yourself. It really is a lot of fun!
July 26th, 2008
Not on your list, but have enjoyed reading your post and the comments. I have been to the past 3 BlogHers, and the first one was in my home town, so I dropped in and out and was basically a fly on the wall. I knew 2 people there, and sat with them, and everyone else (other than Arianna Huffington) were people I had never heard of. I did not know who Dooce was. What I learned from that experience was that I needed to write, first and foremost, for myself.
The second year, I knew a few more people, and got to meet some bloggers I admired, many of whom are on your list. They were all, every single one, warm and gracious to me. Every time someone said, “I’ve read your blog!” it was a huge honor and I wanted to hug them. I learned from that experience that if you assert yourself a tiny bit, people are usually very welcoming.
This year, I was a speaker at BlogHer, a few more people knew my name, and I had no trouble speaking up, or introducing myself. I found it to be empowering, and over time, it’s showed me that we all have enormous potential to effectuate change in ourselves, our families, our communities, and in our world. I’ve made friends for life through blogging, and that is worth more than anything any sponsor could ever offer me.
July 27th, 2008
Sorry for being late to the party. I was off spending my ad revenue on chinchilla furs and jet fuel.
Just kidding
Seriously, though I don’t know anyone who makes that kind of money from their blog. I’d like to know them so I could stalk them and try to woo them into being my friend and showing me the way in the pot of gold at the end of the bloggy rainbow – but I don’t. And I also don’t know how I made it on this list considering most of the people I introduced myself to at BlogHer this year where like “You’re who?”.
That’s alright. My mom thinks I’m a famous blogger and she brags a lot so that along with the little I do make from ads each month buy me enough wine to keep the smile on my face most days.
Oh, and I love it. No one does it for the money.
July 27th, 2008
Sorry, late to the party, which seems to be my usual as of late.
My first BlogHer was in 06, when I had been blogging for only 9 months and had a daily traffic of under 50. I thought myself crazy for going, and expected to be ignored by the popular bloggers. Instead, I received a warm welcome, including having a woman who I thought would NEVER know me from her other 100′s of commenters say hello to me – and she knew my name! She never commented on my site, but she knew of things I had written. I learned that just because a blogger doesn’t comment back doesn’t mean she isn’t taking the time to read occasionally.
Since then, I do have a few more readers, and I appreciate them all, even if I can’t personally respond to most. More readers has not translated to more time. In fact, thanks to the tanking economy I seem to have less time.
(Yeah, the money thing? Wish I could say I was making a lot, but I make enough from all of my blogging – ad revenue, paid blogging – to help cover a utility or two each month. That’s it.)
My life is still very “normal”. No one recognizes me when I’m out, even though I’ve been on TV twice recently. (My daughters, however, have been recognized twice.) I spend one day a week in my nursing school clinical, doing bed baths, changing wound dressings, and lots of other unpleasant tasks. And my husband was laid off, so I’m helping him job hunt and filling out embarrassing forms to beg the state for assistance so we can afford basic needs and keep our house until he can find a new job.
So if there’s some secret to fame and fortune, I wish I knew it. And truthfully, even the most famous blogger is likely to be an unknown to the average person. Blogging fame is extremely minor fame, I think.
If you came to BlogHer, I think you’d enjoy it. I’m certainly not part of any clique – this year I think I was hanging out with different people every hour. And there were people I wanted to meet but didn’t get to, only because there were so many people there. I saw few groups who stuck together exclusively for the entire conference.
If you go to the conference with the willingness to be friendly, open and take the chance to occasionally leave your safe zone and approach others, I think you’ll have an incredible time.
July 27th, 2008
I don’t belong on your list. I don’t make any money, and in the grand scheme of things I’m not the least bit popular.
And why didn’t I get this email the others speak of? I just happened to see this in my Technorati links!
Still, when I apply for the big blog ads networks, I’ll link them here and say “Look! I’m totally fucking kick ass! I’m up here on a list of A-listers! Woo!”
This was my first year at BlogHer. It was more fun that I could have ever imagined. Everyone I know was a newbie, and WE all had a blast. You should definitely come next year.
July 27th, 2008
first of all, i love what everyone is saying. (which is pretty much the same thing, except wording differently).
second- you rock for putting me on your list. cause while i’m not “popular” nor do i make even close to enough money to put gas in my fucking car for my blog, it’s kind of awesome that maybe you think i do. HA!
i wrote a post saying how even I FELT LONELY at times at blogher. and how it’s a really overwhelming experience. and how can you not feel like a jacakass sometimes when surrounded by hundreds of women who you don’t recognize just by looking at them? know what i mean? things may look cliquey, but i think it’s just more a comfort aspect- you look for those people you DO recognize by face, not those you don’t. you tend to hang around with people you met, otherwise you will feel alone.
i don’t even remember your question anymore, but you’re awesome for thinking i rock. i mean, i do totally rock- but not in the way you’re writing about. lol
July 27th, 2008
Jerri,
Wow…I read every single one of those comments. That’s a lot of feedback! You probably don’t need any more as I think you’ve gotten the picture already. But I’m here so I might as well throw my hat into the proverbial ring, if only to say what so many have already said…the cliques are not like those Queen Bee/Mean Girl cliques from junior high and I hesitate to even use that word. It’s really just groups of people, many of whom started blogging around the same time, who have common ground and have developed friendships. To be honest, I had the most fun at my FIRST BlogHer conference because I only knew a few people well and everyone else I knew just in passing. I felt absolutely no pressure to have instant friends or a posse or whatever because I knew I was going to be venturing into unknown territory. The surprise was that everyone I met was friendly and many are people that, while we don’t necessarily converse in real life or even visit each other’s blogs that much anymore, I consider friends and I am genuinely happy to see them when I do.
As for the fame and fortune that comes from blogging? I’m not sure that really exists. The people I know who earn a decent living from blogging are also doing numerous other side gigs and they work their asses off, I’m sure. I know I do and I wouldn’t classify myself as someone who is “making a living” per se. But I have my personal blog, my green blog and I design a hell of a lot of blogs for other people and that’s how, in this shitty economy, we can afford to still have me at home with the kids. But no fame and certainly no fortune HERE!
All this to say that you SHOULD go to BlogHer if you can. You and I have had email exchanges before and I know who you are and I would most certainly welcome you with open arms, as would probably anyone you approached. If they don’t, it’s their loss. See you next year?
July 27th, 2008
This is an email exchange with Izzy above.
There were a lot of the blogs that I listed that have been in my feeder before and then honestly, their posts just seemed superficial after they started having a lot of traffic. I’ve read you from the beginning when I first started reading blogs. I don’t know who linked to whom to get me to you, but when I look in my bloglines reader and see you have a new post up, it’s like I’ve known you all of my life. I’m like, “well, let’s go see what ol’ Izzy is doing today”. I don’t have the connection which is really not one at all b/c you are clueless to the fact that I felt that way, with many of the bloggers that are well known. I still read a few of the big names ones and I even comment on their blogs a lot just to see if they ever comment back. They don’t. I commented on this one person, we will call her “not rich from blogging but making a decent enough living and popular enough to be invited to talk shows” for 30 straight days. (This was last summer sometime, who knows where I got all that free time). But 30 days straight and this person NEVER responded to me. That was one of my confidence issues. And, the other is, if you are at home, with your kids, coloring, surfing, blogging, laundry folding, etc and you do it for years upon years and then all of the sudden, now you need to be at X at Y time and oh my, then I have to catch a flight at B at C time and I’ll be back tomorrow, I wonder if “spouse” remembered that I won’t be here and child G has ballet and child Q has karate. Now, you can’t tell me that the material that this person would write in the second scenario would be the same as it was in the first. And, if people fell in love with this blogger b/c her world was normal (and resembled their own), how is it that they can sustain their High Blogness Power when their life is no longer the life that brought people to her blog in the first place? Are you confused?
I’m going to go post this as a comment on the blog behind yours. Just see if anyone else has any thoughts on it. I certainly don’t mean that the person living life A above versus life B above is any better off or worse off because of the situation. I”m simply asking if it matters that folks lives change and no longer resemble their own, don’t they move own, or do they just grow with you and your new life.
I also want to add that I looked back through the links I listed (the ones I felt got a lot of attention, whether it be people attention or money attention) and there are 3 bloggers on that list that I did that test with..you know, comment on their blog every day for a month and see if they say anything back…..and of the 3 that are on the list, none of them have commented here, nor did either of the 3 even make a comment back to me in their own comments section or send an email to me. Not that it matters, just throwing that in there for FYI
July 27th, 2008
Don’t have a blog. Haven’t been to BlogHer. Am intrigued.
I feel as though you saw a trailer for a movie and then wrote a thousand word movie review.
I came to blogs because a friend whose writing and wit I’ve admired for years started a blog. I’ve had a great time reading about BlogHer and the varied perspectives. Through that, I ended up at this post.
First of all, can we women stop hurling the “clique” epithet? It is only ever used by women about women and it’s gotten old, odoriferous and inaccurate. As we have learned, women save up to go to BlogHer which means that most online relationships that blossom can only be face-to-face once a year. So friends are hanging out with – OMG – friends! And they’re at BlogHer to make more – yup – friends.
And the writing, fame and money question seems inane. Is Barbara Kingsolver’s talent waning due to her fame? Has she stopped living her normal life because of her fame?
But thank you for opening up your blog to showcase the heart and souls of these great bloggers. There’s some damn fine writers out there. For me, I’ll continue to lurk and maybe even try my hand at blogging because now I want to go to BlogHer!
July 28th, 2008
Hey Jerri,
I think I can kind of answer the question you clarified in that email exchange with Izzy. Via my blog (and our insurance struggles, ect) I’ve made connections with the CDF and with SELF Magazine. Yes, I’ve had to fly away a few times for speeches and a photo shoot, but my life, at the core is still MY LIFE. The very same one. I think people read because they are invested in our story no matter how that evolves. People aren’t just interested because I write about things they can relate too, in fact, most of my readers don’t have special needs kiddos and can’t necessarily “relate” to that anyway. But they care and we’ve formed friendships and I think that is why they read. It is why I read them, too, not because their life has to look like mine…but because I find a bond with them.
July 29th, 2008
wow! what a way to up your readership!
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never even heard of (or I’ve heard of them but I don’t get what the big deal is!) half of the people on your list and I consider myself to be pretty well-read on the mommy circuit.
It is easy to be jealous of these girls, isn’t it?
Someday, lady, someday people will be talking about moms like us!
July 29th, 2008
I’m included in your list… but, although I wish I were making enough money to live off my blog, I don’t!
I just blog because I like to write. And yes, I’ve been fortunate to have found a community of women (mainly those who have children on the autistic spectrum) who enjoy reading my writing. But I am no means “popular” or “famous.”
Fortunately, the majority of the people I’ve met via blogging are down-to-earth and really nice: no need to get nervous about approaching them.
Yes, there are a few big-headed folks, but that is true in any crowd and/or profession.
The best way to community-build is to get out there and comment on other people’s posts so that they know you exist. And if you attend the next BlogHer, go ahead and approach those folks who you are interested in meeting: you may be surprised at how warm and genuine they are.
Something else to consider: many “creative types” who enjoy writing are rather introverted in person. As such, we gravitate towards those who we “know” online already. It isn’t that we are being “exclusive,” but rather that we’re just meeting up with people who we enjoy. If someone else comes up to introduce themselves, all the better!
But I know I get sweaty palms when I see groups of folks I don’t know, so especially this last BlogHer, I mainly stuck to people I already knew. That said, I met a lot of new people through the special needs and other panels, so my blogroll has increased quite a bit.
As for how I continue writing for myself, I guess it is because although I know there are friends (and strangers) reading, I still consider it “my journal” more than anything else. I would like to think that my tone hasn’t changed as my readership has grown (and also sunk – I took quite a hit after ClubMom stopped its blogging program!)
I love to write. And being able to connect with others who do too is a huge bonus! And in my case, reading about other families with “quirky kids” makes me feel much better after I’ve had a tough day. In other words, I don’t blog for fame or fortune – I blog for community.
July 31st, 2008
Well, hoping that by now our novelesque emails have answered the questions. i’m glad to get to know you…and really DO consider blogher 09. get over the mono first.
August 7th, 2008
um, I’m so not on the list, I don’t think I got the memo….I just stumbled here tonight because I am putting off folding the laundry by clicking through my technorati links.
but wow, I love all the answers, so I’m glad you raised the topic.
I don’t think I could add anything that hasn’t been said already, but that’s never stopped me before.
As a result of writing two and a half years’ worth of really long-assed posts that everyone said would be death to blog traffic (and everyone was right), I somehow attracted the attention of a woman’s magazine editor. But both before and after that happened, I pitched, and hustled and wrote and wrote and wrote, through rejection after rejection. This month, I have a seven page article in the world’s fifth largest glossy, which I’ll admit is not typical, but to put it in perspective, I am still NOWHERE near as famous as a smalltown weatherman, and while the pay is nice (from the print stuff, not the blog), if I had to live on it, well, we couldn’t.
Also, I do write for myself, but not JUST for myself. Never did. This is a form of story telling, after all. I want to reach people, and I work very hard at it.
as for the conference, this was my second year to attend. I think all of us are blown away by how big it has become. It was so big, I gave up on trying to spread myself thin, and instead adopted a take it as it comes approach. As a result I had some really deep and meaningful connections with a few as opposed to a whole lot of small talk with a bunch. There are so many more people than there are waking hours, and many bloggers are trying to spend as much time as they can with dear friends they might not see for months or even another year. It’s not that new connections can’t be made ( in fact, I made several ), but it’s a very compressed time. You just can’t take it personally if you don’t get to meet or hang out with a particular someone. I don’t.
September 24th, 2008
“You all started out as normal-every-day-writing-just-for-myself bloggers and that made you famous.”
i’m famous????? why didn’t anyone tell me?? i have to agree with many of the other commenters–i think you have me confused with someone else. i get maybe 4 comments, sometimes, on a post. and i don’t make any money from my blog. don’t want to. and i didn’t go to blogher. didn’t even know what blogher was until a few months ago. i’m so out of touch i didn’t even know you linked to me–i was looking for an archive of my blog on google and this link came up. is there some way of knowing if someone else’s blog links to you?
it’s so cool someone considers me “famous”!! not really. i don’t think i’d even know what to do if i had tens or hundreds of commenters and followers on my blog. oh, the pressure!! i just blog for fun. and if i’m linked to on other blogs, it may be because the bloggers i link to have similar tastes and interests. don’t know.
at any rate, i wish you luck in your blogging adventure, and thanks for thinking (even for a fraction of a second), that my blog was famous!
May 2nd, 2010
That was a terrific blog post,I recently subscribed to your rss.
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