We Don’t Really Teach That Here
I must confess, money isn’t something that we talk about with our children. I know first hand that it is a very bad idea to skip this part of parenting. My parents didn’t really tell me anything about money when I was growing up and I happen to be the world’s worse financier.
We definitely were lower middle class. My father was a teacher, but he spent so much simply getting his degree(s) that we rarely had a lot of extra money. I mean, I rarely had to do without stuff, but I simply didn’t ask for much because I knew the answer. My mother worked in a plant where she would sew the same seam in a pair of pants ALL.DAY.LONG.
My mother missed many of my school events because she couldn’t/wouldn’t stay off work. She was afraid that she might get fired as well as she would lose over-time hours if she took time off and we all know how precious those over-time hours are. Needless to say, yea, I’m bitter.
Back to my dad since I lived with him from 13 years old til he died when I was 19. He realized several months before his death that he didn’t have long to live. They had given him a few months over a year before, so obviously, he was lucky to live as long as he did. Anyway, he started about 3 months before his death trying to explain all things financial to me. He would make statements like, “if something happens to me, this loan as credit life on it so you make sure you file the right paperwork” or “if something happens to me, this loan will pay off in such and such month”.
Of course, none of us want to deal with death and I would basically ignore what he was saying. When he died, I found sticky notes on all of his paperwork. The sticky notes had instructions on them and were dated the first day of the month he died. A friend of his later told me that he had been re-writing those sticky notes for several months prior to the month he died.
But, honestly, that’s not the best way to go about teaching your child about money because I didn’t know how to manage the money that I received after his death. He was a school teacher and I received a year’s salary, but it came in one lump sum. Hand a nineteen year old that with no sense of money management and see what you get?
So, anyway, I didn’t learn my lesson apparently. My children are only 3 and 5 but very rarely do we talk money in front of them or with them. We’ve had some really rough months lately with the closing of the daycare but we tried to keep them away from it. For one thing, Ditto-Boy tells everything he hears and that’s not the kind of stuff I want him explaining to everyone (whether we know them or not).
And, we haven’t instituted chores for cash as of yet because the boys basically do what we tell them right now. I’ll put that off as long as I can. So, for now, they simply know that you have to pay for things that you get at the store…any store.
How’s that for some good parenting?
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This post has 3 comments
September 13th, 2008
Ugh! The post-it notes made me want to cry. Money is a taboo subject with us as well. I’m right there with you.
September 13th, 2008
In my house, my parents talked/argued/worried about money constantly, so I learned to worry too at a very early age. It doesn’t help when you get off the bus and the lights are off because the bill didn’t get paid! I hope to strike a balance with my daughter – teaching her about the value of money, without teaching her to worry about it all the time.
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September 13th, 2008
My mothers family were dirt poor. She talks about how she slept with 2 brothers in a full size bed with no cover except one blanket that their mom would warm by a wood burning stove/heater and then lay on them. Then, her brothers all quit school to go to work because it was obvious they needed the money. They were all pulled from school regularly to go places (Arkansas and California) to pick cotton so they just quit school. They got married and I remember when 2 of them still had outhouses and no running water inside their homes. I am 40, but to think that some people had to live like that just 40 years ago? I remember how they struggled. My mom and her husband as well as my father had it much better than that and even now, the youngest brother doesn’t make as much money or do as well as my mom was before she got cancer. My father and I are the only to members of my family on either side to have an education above an associates. I am the only one on my mom’s side to have ever even gone to college with the exception of the 22 year old that just graduated. She had to pay her own way b/c her parents couldn’t afford it. And, not long ago our power was disconnected. I had the money to pay it that time (and sometimes I didn’t) but we didn’t discuss it front of the kids. Anyway, I didn’t know it was off until we arrived home after business hours b/c I had been at the daycare all day and my husband at his own work. We didn’t tell the boys why it was off, my husband told them that a breaker was blown. But, I heard my son later telling my mom that his dad said something about a breaker but he bet it was that man that comes to our house sometimes (the meter reader) that cut our power off. He was right of course but I didn’t even tell my mom b/c I was too embarrassed. I led her to believe the breaker story.
The women who worked for me were mostly all financially strapped. I felt guilty b/c I couldn’t pay them more but just paying them period was putting us so far behind and in such bad debt that it wasn’t funny. Anyway, I didn’t mean to type a novel, just saying that, “yea, I don’t want my kids to have to “worry” about money as it pertains to utilities and food” And, as for giving them every thing they want, we simply don’t. As a matter of fact, I can’t tell you the last time my kids got a new toy. I’m inclined to say something that the Easter bunny brought. My son did get t-ball gear, shoes, bat, etc but my kids do not even as about the toy department when we go in Walmart. They don’t ask to “just go look”, like I did with my mom. They have plenty of stuff to play with and my husband bought a playstation for himself and of course the boys play with that, but they pretend play alot. They build forts out of their bed covers and more. People don’t believe me when I tell them that my kids don’t ask for toys. Last year they had 4 presents each under our Christmas Tree, a bicycle eac, a small plastic desk set each, a huge lego set each and some stuff for their Thomas the Train stuff. They had a pair of pj’s they opened C-mas Eve. My mom bought them 2 gifts each. That’s it. People that worked for me and had kids in my daycare thought I was horrible. But, you know what else we did? We bought 4 foster kids a bicycle. They had been taken from mom, put back, taken, put back and mom is losing her rights. They were fortunate enough to go to the same foster parents every time. And, those kids got 4 times what my kids did each b/c of all the people that buy for them. But, the boys were not gettting a bicycle and when we did their santa letters for the newspaper, 3 of them asked for a bicycle and the 2 year old of course was clueless. So, my employee’s and myself along with some other parents bought those kids a bicycle each. They were 7, 6, 5 and 2. Three bikes and a trike. My kids knew about it and they loved it. It was by far the best gift I have ever given or received.
Whew, how did I get way off on that? Anyway, yes, I don’t want my kids to hear us haggle over basic bills and we do teach that toys and such are for special occasions.
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