Dear Body…

Monday, March 16th,

Dear Acid Reflux,

I know I am out of my normal medication, Protonix if you just want to know, that keeps you nice and in balance.  I called the doctor’s office and asked for a refill.  I was told that I had a check at their clinic that had bounced.  I explained to them that no indeed I did not.  Luckily a cousin (remember my grandmother had 17 siblings) and I had already discussed this LAST July.  It wasn’t my check then nor is it my check now.  She promised to look into it and call me back but in the meantime, she couldn’t call me a new prescription in until it was cleared up.

So, Boy Genius stopped on his way home and bought me some over-the-counter something another.  I took 3 that night.

Tuesday, March 17th,

Dear Acid Reflux,

I get it ok, the doctor’s office hasn’t called back and so I’m taking 2 more of these over the counter things…chill already.

Wednesday March 18th,

Dear Acid Reflux,

You are starting to annoy me almost as much as the doctors office.  I’ll call them back and in a few minutes, I’ll get you another dose or three of that over the counter stuff too, when I’m able to get out of this chair.

Thursday, March 19th,

Dear Acid Reflux,

Ok, so I forgot.  Sorry.

Dear Fever Blister,

Hi, since you seem to have taken up residency on the left side of my face, I thought we should probably at least introduce ourselves.  You are in for a hurting because I purchased one of the $12 1/2 ounce tubes of Zilactin and if nothing else happens, I will burn you out of here.

Side note: If you’ve seen any of my vlogs or photos, you know that I am a prime candidate for Botox of the lips.  I basically do not even have a top lip.  My husband saw the fever blister when he walked in the front door.  But, you, fever blister, I have zilactin for you, you will pay.

Side note 2:  I have found the acid that should have gone to Jenny, The Bloggess when she was doing this review.  It comes in tiny tubes in the pharmacy section and you don’t have to get the $18 real deal, you can get the 1/2 ounce tube for $12 that is generic, it burns all the same trust me.

Dear Acid Reflux,

What is up with you?  Oh my God, I’m dying.  That’s it, I am going to die a slow painful death.  Ok, fine, I’m not dying so I guess I’ll go to t-ball practice, enjoy the great outdoors…let a few more people see this big fat blister on my lip.

Dear Acid Reflux,

Ok, look, I gave you some more of that over the counter medication because the doctor’s office is being a complete dick.  So, anytime you would like to cease killing me, it will be fine.

Dear Parents of other T-ballers,

No, I do not have Aids.  I simply have a slight malformation on my lip that comes in the form of a fever blister and if it were on someone with big pouty lips, you’d never have noticed it.

Oh and the hair, sorry, I know it’s really greasy looking and well, at least I don’t stink…I’m sure of that one.

Dear 6 year old son,

I know that you meant well tonight when you looked at me and said, “Mom, you know your hair looks really good nice and dark like that”. Shut up kid, it’s grease.

Dear Acid Reflux,

This has to stop, I’m certainly going to hurl.  I’m home safe, I’ve taken more of the over the counter stuff, I’ve put the burning medication from Jenny’s blog on my mouth and absolutely I am not going to puke.

Dear Boy Genius,

Help, I need help.  He yells what just as the entire contents of my stomach from at least all of today and possibly yesterday splattered all over the kids bathroom wall.  The little potty that we bought Jace (you know the one, the one he hasn’t dared to get near) looks as if someone tried to use it and missed.  Boy Genius, help me, I need a few rags and some clean clothes.

Dear Acid Reflux,

This is getting to be quite ridiculous.  Between you and the doctor’s office, it’s no wonder I have this horrible fever blister on my face, you know the one, you saw it….when you were flying out of my mouth earlier…that big knob in the way….yea, that was it.

Dear Colon,

I shall stop with you because obviously you have been the least of my worries until about 2 hours ago when….yes indeed, you decided to send me on multiple runs to the Lu.  This time the vileness didn’t wave at the fever blister on it’s way out, it was more like my ass it was waving at.

Dear Babysitter,

Please come early tomorrow.  I have food poisoning I think, don’t ask why I think that, just trust me and please come early.

Dear Internets,

I can’t take anymore, I’ve written and complained to everyone I know to complain to……so I’m going to bed, but if something doesn’t give….I’ll finish Jen Lancaster’s book tonight while hoisted on the throne…no need in darting back and forth, might as well just sit there and read all night.

Goodnight