How Could I Not Blog About That?

I’ve been hesitant to write about this because there’s really no nice way to describe the beginning of the story which leads to an incredibly funny story….or at least to us it was funny.

Let’s start with my front yard.  If you recall, my husband has yet to mow the lawn this year.  Or last year for that matter.  Our house looks abandoned on some levels.  Generally speaking we don’t get salespeople or your general “flyer-handing-out” kinds of people who just happen to stop by. 

But, last weekend, we did.  I was feeling like total rot and had not even been dressed in a couple of days.  And, we had visitors.  Let’s just call them some “people of a religious nature” ok?  I don’t want to start a fight here.  I mean really, I don’t like labels and certainly don’t want to be accused of being biased. 

Here’s how it unfolded though:

I was hunkered down in dirty pj’s with greasy hair and my husband was passing through the kitchen.  I hear him say, “oh my gosh, who in the world is this, a carload of women, who is this?

And, I consider making a run for the bedroom but before I can even unload my lap (laptop, laptop table, mounds of paper, etc), I hear, “knock knock”.  My husband looks at me with fear in his eyes, “who in the heck can this be?” he moans, “a carload?”  I have no clue, more shrinking into the corner of the sofa on my part.

He opens the door to two women, apparently there was a man and 2 more women in a very small Honda Civic type auto in the driveway.  They hand over one of their flyers and give us some spiel about “we noticed you have children”.  Now, with grass that is 4 foot tall and a swing set that’s barely visible, what in the heck gave that away?

Boy Genius and the ladies kind of laughed and they motioned toward the battery operated 4 wheelers on the porch but trust me, they could not have seen those from the road…..

The conversation kind of come to a lull and then, without warning, one of the ladies says,
“here, I’ll also give you this pamphlet since I see that you are a divided household”

Now…in slow motion here….

d-i-v-i-d-e-d

h-o-u-s-e-h-o-l-d?

what…does ……

what is……how are….we are…….a…..d-i-v-i-d-e-d h-o-u-s-e-h-o-ld?  How does she see that we are a divided household?  Where did she get ….

where…..

.

.

where did she…..what gave the impression…….

“UH?” my husband finally said.

Side note:  I am not real sure what a divided household even is?  Does that mean we have multiple families living in one dwelling?  Because we don’t?  We aren’t divided a father and son and a mother and daughter, oh no, I’m totally out numbered here…….so what in the heck is this woman talking about?

She laughs, turns and points in one direction and then the other……..”I see you have an Alabama flag on that corner of your porch and an LSU flag on this corner, maybe this pamphlet can help……”

Her voice starts to fade away from my grungy pj’s greasy-haired self ….a divided household?  Alabama and LSU?  From a religious standpoint, does that make us a divided household?  I mean, come on, be for real?

My husband, thinking quicker on his feet than I would have, because obviously I would have needed a really large shoe to put in my mouth over such a statement….but my husband, quickly adds, “oh that’s only one game a year”.

Yea, what he said, one game a year we are a divided household and apparently, the religious zealots are a bit concerned over that.

What about a divided household because if my husband does not cut the grass we are going to be divided alright, us inside the home and really large creatures on the outside…..that’s a divided household that should concern someone, but divided?  Alabama and LSU flags?  How does that makes us a divided household.

What is this world coming too?  Wait, I think that might have  been her original reason for visiting us.  I mean, really, is there anything other than the Tide to speak of?  If that’s all your worried about?  Roll on babeeee, Roll on…..