Caregivers, I’m not so sure I make a very good one, but I know someone who does

I am an extremely spoiled only child.  And, with that, I’m also an extremely spoiled wife and mother.  My own mother and husband take care of a great deal of the household matters simply because I have a couple of medical issues that make it difficult for me to cope with these regularly.  That said, I’m going to tell you a little more about these 2 caregivers.

First of all, naturally my mom is and will always be the first caregiver I remember.  My father was an active part of my growing up, but just like many people, my mother is the one I associate with handling the little kid issues.  Now that I’m grown, my mother has gone above and beyond what’s called for to help nurture me and my children as well.  She quit her job when I had to have back surgery so that she could care for my children.  She requested a leave, the family medical leave should have been effect, but was denied.  So, she quit.

At that time, she was chief cook and bottle washer as the recovery time for that was enormous.  I had given birth via c-section just 4 months early and had a hysterectomy just 2 months earlier.  It seemed like months before I was able to do much for myself even, never mind my children.

One of the things I am most ashamed to admit is that my mother still irons my clothes regularly.  I do have to handle that chore on rare occasions but in most cases, my mom does it.  And, with that, I think it is important to  know the strength of my mother.  She had cancer, she worked a hard labor job and took 6 weeks of radiation treatment EVERY DAY.  She did not miss one day of work during this time.  However, just a couple of years prior to that, she had quit her job to take are of me and my children.

Once her diagnoses was elevated and she required chemotherapy, she was forced to quit her job once again.  She took her treatments once every three weeks.  During that time she would be excruciatingly sick for about 3 days, then she would return to her energy-moving self.  I had taken on the art of blogging as a full-time profession and she started to help with my children on a grander scale.

She would come to my house at 7 AM, get my oldest son who is in kindergarten off to school, return to my home to help with the 4-year-old, do the laundry and dishes and normally housekeeping chores.  Due to the nature of my own illnesses, (one of them being a sleeping disorder), it was helpful to have someone to help in the mornings when I struggle the most simply due to the insomnia of the night before.

She would allow me to catch a couple of extra hours of sleep before returning home.  She would sometimes take the four-year-old with her, depending on the amount of work I had and others she would simply go home to rest.  She would return to my house in time to pick up the kindergarten child at school and watch the boys until my husband was home.

At that point, we were all three pushing and shoving and handling household chores.  My husband is as much of a caregiver to my children as I am and always has been.  I could write an entirely different post on how well he takes the responsibility of caregiver to another level.  But, for now, I will stick with my mom.

In early November my aunt who lives 9 hours away from my mom was diagnosed with lunch cancer.  My  mom has already lost 3 siblings to lung cancer and as I mentioned, she too has cancer.  However, she packed her bags and headed to my aunts house to help care for her in mid-December.

While there she has become chief cook and bottle washer in the sense of taking care of an adult and her spouse.  She has handled all the household chores, all the doctor visits, all the phoning of insurance companies and making doctors appointments as well as grocery shopping and cooking.  She has taken the roll of cleaning and running a household that’s not even hers.

She returned home in mid-January to have her own health evaluated and was given the great news of remission.  She immediately returned to my aunts house to again help take care of her.  At this time, we are uncertain when my mom might return home but she is speaking loud and clear that she is homesick.  I’m not so sure she misses me, but she definitely misses my children and doesn’t hesitate to say so.  She is constantly asking about how well I’m holding up to handle my own household chores as well as the children’s activities.

To add insult to injury, I broke my ankle in one spot and tore a ligament in another shortly before she returned home for her doctors appointments and she speaks of great guilt for not being here to help me with my kids and my house although my foot is not a deterrent from me handling these things myself.  She simply feels that need to mother me and everyone she comes in contact with.

And, if that’s not what a true caregiver does, and feels, then I’m not really sure I know the correct definition of the word. So, yea, when I talk about caregivers, I’m talking about For All The Ways You Care