More ‘splainin’ Part Three

Don’t get me wrong, I love the little slobbery, stubborn kid to death.  But, breakdowns, like this morning, over nothing, just seems so out of the norm for a 4 year old.  Here’s how this morning played out..

We got up on time, I got cereal fixed and he starts immediately refusing to eat.  I don’t insist.  I know he will eat when he is hungry.  I get Ditto Boy’s clothes out, then I get Mini Me’s clothes out too.  I have no idea exactly when it turned sour but I had to forcibly put his shirt, pants, socks and shoes on him.  Then, while I was getting his coat, which I had to force on him as well (it was in the 30’s outside), he started screaming and yelling at me.  He flopped in the floor and was spinning in circles like he was break dancing.  And, through all of this, he kicked his shoes off.  I put his coat on him and said, “fine, we are leaving”.  He ended up walking to the truck in some 30 degree weather without any shoes.  He screamed and hollered for the biggest part of the 6 miles to school.  I didn’t speak to him.  When we arrived home I sent him to his toy room and made him stay for over an hour.

I know some of you are thinking it is an issue of discipline or respect.  But, he has been punished, he has been rewarded for the good, we have a sticker chart with goals and rewards.  He simply doesn’t seem to get it.

When it was time to go pick Ditto Boy up from school.  You can basically take the above quote and later rinse and repeat.

He wouldn’t put the pants on that he had been wearing prior to nap because he said they were wet.  He went to the bedroom and returned with 2 pair of nylon pants.  He put both pair of nylon pants on after he changed his pull-up.  I handed him his socks and he took them to the hamper because “they are dirty” even though he had only worn them briefly this morning….well, they may have been wet since he didn’t have on shoes.  Anyway, he wouldn’t go get clean ones, so I told him to just get his shoes.  He wanted his crocs but couldn’t find but one.  This brought on the fall in the floor break dancing spin.  I told him to get his tennis shoes.  He wanted his play shoes.  I said fine.  He got them and then demanded that I put them on.  I wouldn’t do it until he asked nicely.  Time was wasting and we didn’t have time on our side by this point.

Once he half way asked nicely, I started putting the shoes on him and we had the sock argument again.  I made him wear the shoes anyway.  This caused another fit.  I went toward the door and when I turned to close it and lock it, he was right behind me.  Again, he screamed a better part of the trip to school.  He removed his shoes before we got home and came inside barefoot.

Now, again, I know this is just yelling “discipline him goofy woman, discipline him and quit complaining”.  The thing is, there’s very little that gets his attention.  He does better for Boy Genius than for me, well, heck, that’s an understatement, he does 100% better for him.  But, Boy Genius rides him like a thorough-bred.  It makes me crazy.  But, it works.

And, because it works, I guess I basically have my answer.  My husband knew that I had been through the mill today so he suggested that I go to the store tonight alone and he would help the boys clean up the toy room.  I jumped at the chance.  When I returned, Boy Genius informs me that the kid was fine the whole time he was gone.

Mini Me wanted to get in bed with Boy Genius about 2 and a half hours ago.  Then, 15 minutes later he wanted to sleep on the floor in the hall.  I said no.  Then he wanted to sleep on the sofa.  I said fine.  Then he needed a pillow and a blanket and then wanted to sleep in the floor.  He was doing anything to just stay awake.

Fast forward to about 30 minutes ago, he went to bed under the premise that  I would rub his back when I went to bed.  I agreed.  He stayed in bed with Boy Genius about 5 minutes and was back to family room.  On the sofa in the floor, you name it, he stalled with that tactic.

And, then, I told him point blank, you have 3 choices, get in your bed, in bed with dad or on the sofa.  And, he lost it.  He lost his temper and started to scream uncontrollably at me, just like the two previous times today.  Within seconds Boy Genius was at the door.  He scolded him for screaming and made him go to bed with him.

So, in summary…

1.  The potty issue  – from every aspect, the refusal to talk about it, the refusal to even try to wear underwear, his refusal to even get near the potty (big one or his), his complete and utter defiance in this area.

Doesn’t that scream problem when he is 4 years old and doing this?

2.  The fact that he is so defiant.

Doesn’t that seem odd for a 4 year old to be so totally whacked out by every little thing.  I mean, he will pick something that he knows will cause and argument just for argument’s sake.  Did you read this?  This is what I mean.

Is that normal between siblings?  My husband and I are both only children and it is making us nuts.

3.  He loses his cool really quickly and is quickly out of control.  His impulse control in the temper department is out of whack.  His impulse control isn’t necessarily out of whack in other areas.  He plays well and shares fine..unless…he just hits that mark.

Isn’t he a little young for the “hot head” syndrome?

4.  Discipline methods work, but only and I mean this ONLY after he has been punished multiple times in a very short period of time.  A good example of this, he gets in trouble for doing X and he is sent to his room for time-out.  He screams like a banshee while he is in there.  Boy Genius goes in, talks to him and demands that he quit screaming.  Mini Me slams doors, kicks walls, and screams at Boy Genius as he is leaving the room.  Boy Genius returns and spanks him.  This evokes more screaming, more kicking, more flailing.  Eventually he quits crying and will come to the end of the hall with his head down and say in a very quite voice, “can I come back in here and play?”

After he is allowed to return to play, he may or may not make it to play for a short period of time and it might be hours.  But, regardless, when he does something wrong, he is sent to his room and we go through the same scenario over and over.

So, do you think we could have bigger issues here?  Bigger problems?  Or just a stubborn and defiant and disobedient child who requires more attention to details of his behavior?

I’m at a loss ya’ll, really, I don’t know which way to turn.  Honestly, I’m giving this until I get back from Blissdom and if I have seen no change, I am making him an appointment with the psychiatrist that Ditto Boy saw when he was 3 for his wild active mannerisms.

In the meantime, I turn to the real professionals, the mommy’s out there….you tell me, what do you think?  What would you do?

Boy Genius had no idea that he ever screamed like that.  So, are you all still in agreement that it is just that I have to come down harder on him?

Consider this and let me know what you think?