Ok, Games You Play – At Family Holiday Get Together’s
My family is kind of weird. It seems as a child, it was a mandatory Christmas get together. There were no questions asked, you just showed up and no one was suppose to know that you might actually have other plans.
And then, grandkids started getting married. But even still, there was a law, you had to go to Christmas at Grammy’s on Christmas Eve, be there by 10:30, eat at 11:00, open gifts and clean up entire mess with house looking like no one had ever been there by 12:00 and everyone leaving by 12:30.
Mandatory. You were not allowed to skip it. Death? Maybe but you better be able to prove it. As a kid, I remember going to Christmas Eve at my grandparents and spending the entire time laying on the couch sick. Yea, see, I was sick, not dead so….I had to go.
And, then…..I got into this rut where I was tired of all the hoopla. The fanfare, the faking of seeing one another…so since I didn’t live in the state anymore, I simply made it a point not to travel here at a time that was conducive for Christmas Eve at 10:30 AM.
It worked. I was relieved of some tension. By this time I basically outweighed every single person there, including the other adults by 100 pounds. They would watch what food I put on my plate and comment about whether I actually needed to eat it or not. So, it was easy to just stay in my state and not be available for Christmas.
Then, I had kids. And I moved back near home. And I had no excuses. So, we returned to being part of the “Christmas Eve – be here at 10:30 – eat at 11:00 – open gifts and clean by 12 and leave by 12:30″ crowd.
And, this is where the games start. See, I’m sure this post was suppose to be about some great “games” that are played at family holidays. But, you know, I can’t conform. I’m going to give you the new rules. Ok, first you need background as in the characters and the old rules. Don’t worry about it too much because it’s barely essential to the games that we play, but it helps.
The Grandparents: Grammy and Grampy
The Children:
- my dad (who died in 1988 and made it hard to attend these functions which also made it easier to find reasons not to attend)
- his older brother, we’ll call him the church man and his perfect wife, and
- his younger sister who we will call neurotic and her husband who we will call….comedian.
The Grandchildren: there’s five of us.
- I am the only child my father had,
- the Church man has 2 girls, the x-ray lady and the respiratory therapist,
- the neurotic sister has 2 children, the nurse, the car salesman.
The Great Grandchildren:
- x-ray tech has 2 girls – pre teens both tomboys
- the resp. therapist has one daughter – freshman in college – extremely gothic,
- nurse has one son who is married (and his wife is a financial planner something another) and a daughter (a freshman in college – preppy and beautiful,
- the car salesman has 2 boys, a teen geek and a pre-teen socialite and a step-son who is just simple and plain.
- And then there’s me, my brood, already know us.
- So, when great grandchildren were younger (as in prior to the time I had any), the first game was born. This game went like this:
This is part one where the kids turned into adults and the tradition was born at the Grammy and Grampy’s house
1. my children are better behaved than yours and know to be quiet during the prayer and your kids were caught talking during the blessing…nananabooboo.
As the grandkids got older, the games started to take on these rules
1. My kids know to eat what’s put on their plate and then sit with their mouth shut until told they can move again.
2. So what, my kids my ate everything on their plate.
3. So what, my only child doesn’t care about any of that
4. The oldest two were in the same grade, knew the same people, had the same friends and didn’t allow the rest of us to be included in their fun.
5. So what my kids don’t want to be included.
6. Yea but my only child doesn’t know any of these people and she just wants to belong.
7. So, your kid is making too much noise with her baby doll that she is playing with. “Can’t you make her shut up?”
And, then then the grand kids started growing up and having the great grandkids:
1. I have a B.S. you have an assoc.
2. I don’t care I don’t want a B.S.
3. You don’t even have an A.S. you just work as a secretary
4. Not any more, I am in nursing school.
5. Alabama beat Auburn nanana boo boo
6. My kids are quiet and calm and your kids are getting on grammy and grampy’s nerves.
7. My kids eat a real meal from the food on the table and your child chose to sit in the floor and scream for more mac and cheese.
8. Your kids are loud and driving our grandparents crazy.
9. I’m driving a 200? auto and your is a < 200?
10. We just bought a big $98293029823851253 dollar house and you still live in that little 800 square foot house.
11. We are going to Orlando for cheerleading competition next week.
12. We are going to the state basketball playoffs
13. We are going to the Bahamas this summer
14. My kids are totally being awesome and your kid are diving grammy and grampy nuts.
Then, the great grandkids started to grow up and I had my great grandkids and they are much younger than the rest of the great grandchildren.
The rules are like this:
1. You have a B.S. and you are a sahm, don’t you think you need to get a job.
2. Why is that baby crying?
3. Why is that baby not eating?
4. Don’t ya’ll let that baby get hurt?
5. Don’t you think you need to quit eating soo much so you can lose that baby weight?
6. It’s not baby weight, I’m just not malnourished.
7. My kids totally act better than your kids did at this age.
8. So what you are walking around with a switch off an oak tree in your hand.
9. You never bring anything to these dinners but drinks, don’t you know how to cook?
10. OH, who cooked this? You? Surely not!
11. Ok, you never help clean -up, do you think you are special in some way? Yea, your lucky I showed up at all.
12. Ok, well take your heathens and get out of here, they are loud.
13. But my 2 and 3 year old heathens aren’t as loud as your 12 and 14 year old heathens.
14. But they are girls and gothic and that’s just what they do.
15. But mine are boys and they are pre-teens and that’s just what they do.
16. Well, mine are 2 and 3 and THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY DO!
Last year, I found somewhere else to be for Thanksgiving (like on the beach) so I didn’t have to go play games. This year I was legitimately sick and we didn’t go.
But Christmas, I guess I’ll play the games……do you think I can call them on the following:
1. I have a Masters and you all only have associates.
2. Yes my kindergarten child is reading above grade level and doing multiplication facts and well, he sits in the back of the room alone because he talks too much.
3. Yes, my 4 year old is still wearing pull-ups. What do you want to do about it? Take him home with you?
4. Yes, I weigh more than I have ever weighed which is double the weight of the next biggest person here besides my own husband.
5. Yes, I write about you on the internet and make fun of you…make fun of us all….because we are immature idiots.
6. Let me guess, you only brought drinks again this year?
7. Let me guess, you didn’t cook anything again this year?
8. I know, your son who is married just bought monster size house that cost $9284845881234315 dollars a month and they are able to pay the mortgage and you are still living in the same ol’ house.
9. Yes we bought land to build a house and bought a $9382534598709843532 house that we will sell for $14048735478435783432534 when we get our house built and you still live in the same little ol’ house.
10. Yes I know my kids are loud and that’s why I have a paddle in my hand and that’s why I told you I didn’t want to come play these games this year in the first place.
Do think any of that will work?
This post has 1 comments
June 28th, 2010
I look forward to more good info.
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