Mom~E~Centric

I know this is the most morbidly horrible thing you have ever heard. But the bottom line is this…….

I will not leave my child with strangers crying (even if it is school officials that I trust, he doesn’t know them and doesn’t know my feelings) ever again. If something happened to me and my son’s last memory of me was that I left him with strangers crying.

Now that would just suck really bad wouldn’t it?

Good night

I am really going out here ya’ll. You know I am a huge proponent of education and I have a post in draft to post on my education site about that very topic. However, I also want to make sure that people understand the importance of family and who is responsible for educating our children before and after they leave our nest.

With that said, I’ve watched the CNN story several times where the man who is responsible for Craig’s List, his name is..get this, Craig, regarding the safety of young girls who are being abused is slammed. The basis of the story, in case you haven’t seen it, and how you could have missed it is beyond me, but the basis is that Craig is responsible for young girls who post ads offering sexual services at a cheap price.

Let me be as clear as I can be here. We have to be responsible for ourselves. We are responsible for our children (which is another post coming later too, it’s in draft form for the Education Uncensored site). But, as individuals, we can NOT be responsible for every other person in this world. We do what we can do and if you personally feel as if you haven’t done enough, then do more, but don’t expect everyone around you to do more.

Moreover, our responsibility ends when our children leave our nest, our wings, our home to make lives for themselves out and about somewhere else. The fact that Craig of Craig’s List has made an attempt to sensor the ads that are posted should be seen as an accomplishment. He could, by all rights, put every ad up that is submitted. He did say he would check into the matter. He said he would be more diligent about looking for the kinds of ads that are specifically in the adult services section soliciting  sex.

The woman being interviewed says she gets $150 for half an hour, $250 for an hour of services with a man. She sleeps with about 3 men a day and she says that her pimp would not let her quit. Indeed, the woman is 21. She has to take responsibility for herself. Not me, not you, not the CNN anchor and not Craig Newmark.

Anti-sex trafficking articles have been written  in various places regarding men answering the ads on Craig’s List. One person wrote back to the Washington Post and indicated that she was being sold on Craig’s List and had been since the age of 11.

Age 11!

People, let me see if I get this straight.  Age 11?  Where is this kid’s parents.  Why does anyone think that Craig of Craig’s List is responsible for this girl?

Craig Newmark is his name and he agreed to be interviewed regarding this matter. When asked what he and Craig’s List are doing to help the young girls.,  he says he is trying to get the ads under control.

The man actually stood up for himself and said, “I haven’t seen this, it hasn’t been brought to my attention” when one ad was brought to his attention of the news reporter. Please make sure you understand that under the Communications Decency Act, he is not liable for what is posted. Newman asked if the ad had been reported to him and the reporter retorted by asking why it was her responsibility to report the ads to him since he was the owner of Craig’s List.

And, I ask you, CNN reporter, if it isn’t your responsibility, then how is it his?  He is covered legally so it is equally as important for you, as a responsible adult to call these kinds of ads to the attention of those who can do something about it as it is for those who can do something about it to do so.

It’s easy to blame Newman. It’s easy to blame the entire Internets in general. But the fact of the matter returns to this……..we are responsible for ourselves. We are responsible for our children as long as they are in our home and we are the people who will be punished if we do not assume responsibility for their actions. But, no one, no one anywhere is responsible for the ads on any Internet site unless they take the step and report the abusive ones and make it their responsibility.

Craig’s List CEO gave the following a comment….

"….Craig’s List is vigilant in barring child sex ads…and we will continue to work tirelessly to work with authorities to provide the assistance they deserve.”

So, if you don’t like it, find ads soliciting sex and report them to Craig’s List, or whomever owns the site where you see them. If you have a child, be responsible enough to educate and inform your child so that these measures don’t become necessary to survive.

Outside of that, do what you can do and leave the business people to handle their business.

If you feel it is your life’s journey to become responsible for every child out there,  pay for them a college education.

OOPS! You didn’t want to be that responsible for them did you?

Forgive me, it’s 10:45 PM my time and 11:45 PM where I am right now. I have a enormous list of topics that I want to tell you about but the biggest one is definitely the baseball that’s happening right now. I’m making myself a list but for now, you get the chaotic glob of thoughts as I scratch them down on paper and now pour them out into your eyes. Little League baseball is not what your mother knew and Dizzy Dean certainly has made a huge impression.

• In the parking lot is a truck with a camper shell. But they have rented a motel room. Odd?  I thought so
• Across the sidewalk, at 11 PM, a family has a huge grill going with flames and the smell of charcoal clearing the nostrils of everyone close by
• The first night we were hear, a couple showed up with their 6 year old to play in the World Series, they also brought along a two week old baby.
• The rain has been agitating at best around here, rain delay after rain delay. The 6 and 11 year old tournaments are on track now to start in the morning. The officials making those calls made good choices.
• The team I am here to see, the 7 year olds, not such good decisions and well, who knows how far behind they are.
• There has been some argument about the fact that the park where the 7 year old tournament is being held has clay dust on it instead of brick dust and that’s why they have had to call off their games because of rain.
• The truth is, I’m clueless. I went and looked at the fields the first day they suspended play because of rain for the 7 year olds and the field looked great. But no games.
• In the meantime, the other age groups were ten miles up the road playing their hearts out.
• That brought the question of whether they had brick dust on their fields. Either way, so much canceling is plain nonsense.
• There’s been a huge controversy on bats and when I have some spare time, I’ll write you a good long rant on bats that cost $150 to $200 being banned in seasoning ending tournaments. Ridiculous and I call you out right now Easton, that’s horrible.
• Yesterday I found myself by a fairly chatty man. We discussed the various baseball organizations, Dizzy Dean, Dixie Youth, USSSA.  Now, I know that I am old enough to technically have grand kids. However, I don’t think I look that old that someone should automatically make that assumptions. Anyway, the man asked me if I remembered when Dizzy Dean use to call baseball games.

DIZZY DEAN WASS BORN IN 1910 AND DIED IN 1974

Sorry about that, just needed to make sure you get it, I was 6 when he died, I’m fairly sure that’s one of those things that I don’t remember.  But, strangers things have happened.

My finally point of the night is this, I watched the 6 year old Florida State Champs Pinellas Park team take on the Georgia State Champs Hodgood.

I can say this in good faith, there were kids on that team that could have played well in the age group with at least 8 year olds. It was an absolute blast watching those 6 year olds turn double plays, throw from first to third or first to home to try to get a double play.

Finally, please see a couple of other articles on this where I discuss the bat controversy, World Series: Dizzy Dean Style and one of the best Little League coaches I’ve ever seen. That story is World Series: Amazing 7 Year Old’s & an Amazing Coach and Baseball World Series: Little League Style, World Series: Coaches, Parents and Players

Nothing short of amazing, that’s the only thing that I can promise you, this is has been nothing short of AMAZING!

.

It’s a tough call….where would I be if I had made different decisions.  I have it made right now, a great husband and two wonderful little boys.  Was it necessary for me to undergo some of the horrors earlier in my life to get to where I am now?  Is it necessary for me to take on the new horrors to make my life better for myself and my family?

I know that’s excruciatingly vague but things are under control albeit running terribly amuck.  I don’t know what or when or even how this could be happening but it is.  And, just like the many battles before me, I can and will conquer these.  I’m a fighter.  I refuse to let my children grow up without me and their father.  That is as long as I have an option. 

The years I endured when my dad died were horrible.  For close to ten years I was a complete zombie.  I carried on but I now see that I did it in a fog.  The fog was clear for a bit and then I created troubles for myself.  Once I managed to get out of the fog the second time, I started to move forward.  And now, I’m here, out of the fog, living a good life, not "the" good life but a great life for me and my family. 

I’m rambling so I’m letting it go…………

for now………..

Ok, no need to get your drawers in a wad here.  While you are welcome to disagree, you aren’t welcome to be mean.  Are we all clear?

Ok, so I spanked my child at the baseball field. 

Here’s how it all laid out.  Since the beginning of baseball season, the other parents have heard me relentlessly threaten to punish Ditto Boy in various ways depending on what he has done.  I believe the punishment needs to fit the crime where as Boy Genius just believes in spanking plain and simple, regardless of the crime. 

I am definitely not a helicopter parent..and trust me there are some there.  If you had seen my kids 30 minutes after we got to the park with mud from head to toe, you’d know I don’t follow them around wiping them clean.  Dirt is dirt.  (Tomorrow when I’m scrubbing those clothes, you may hear a different story.)

I like to know where my kids are, but I’m not opposed to them sitting at one field watching a game while I sit at another or do something that’s needed other wise.  I am opposed to them running like wild apes all over the park. 

This story has history too.  I haven’t spanked Ditto Boy in a long time.  Really, I don’t know when it was, I’ve punished him other ways but not spanked.  However, in the last week, his mouth has increasingly got out of control.  When my mom left to be with her sister in Florida, we let the kids get away with a bit because we were certain that they were acting out because she was gone.  But, in the last two weeks, he has just become intolerable. 

He has gone so far as to do the following:

• cross his arms and throw out his bottom lip and holler humpf when told to do something
• cross his arms and throw out his bottom lip and cry when told to do something
• just cry out like we are killing him for no reason
• cross his arms, stick out his lip and say "whhyyyyyyyyyy"
• walk through the house, arms crossed, stomping his feet, grunting louder with each step

And, yesterday, he smarted off to the woman who was working in the dugout.  I heard her call his name a couple of times.  I called him over to me and I warned him that it should not happen and better not happen again.  And, again, I heard her tell him to "stop" doing something.  We aren’t talking baseball stuff, just kid stuff by a bench-rider.  So, Boy Genius threatened him.  All, apparently to no avail.

Ditto Boy’s game was over and I had already made up my mind that I was not moving from where I was sitting.  I had found one of the few shades and we had to play again a few hours later so Ditto Boy was told to come sit on the ground by me, in front of me, near me, just sit and be a kid but not be an ape.  He commenced to digging in the dirt.  And that turned into a dirt fight.  I put a stop to the dirt fight immediately, apologized to another kid’s parents (although their kid had done as much as mine, I am that parent who takes responsibility) and I demanded that he turn around and watch the game. 

And then……… I hear a woman who had just sat down say, "Boys, DON’T do that please".  However, I had already put out the orders to quit with the dirt playing. She was probably near my mom’s age.  When I asked if he had apologized, the woman tried to say yes, but before she could, he yelled at me. 

My kid.  He yelled.  At me!

So…………

(I just remembered that he had a screaming fit at me once while in the dugout which almost caused me and his father to flip our lids.  His dad called him over that time and informed him that his behavior was unacceptable and again, he was told that he was receiving his last warning.

So, back to the story…where was I?
Oh, so when he yelled, I quietly and calmly (and I say that because I am not always, probably more like rarely, quiet and calm) said to him, "turn around and get out of the dirt". 

And, he snatched his bat bag and threw dirt all over the woman AGAIN.  And then, he yelled at me again. 

Again, you hear me, again.

This was more than 24 hours ago, I’m not mad about this, I was never mad, but you can see clearly that it still bothers me.  This is my biggest parental issue in general.

So, where was I?

Oh, he yelled at me again AND threw dirt on the woman’s feet AGAIN.

And, with that, I stood up and demanded that he follow me.  We weaved our way out of the crowd.  I approached the concession stand where Boy Genius was standing and a group of on-lookers (the ones I mentioned above who have heard me threaten for 3 months now).  I asked for Boy Genius’s belt.  Ditto Boy wasn’t crying but he was about to. 

Boy Genius removed his belt, ever so slowly, I suspect to try to calm me down but he would never admit it.  The onlookers continued to watch, most with eyes of sympathy for Ditto Boy…or maybe it was for me, either way, it was enough to make me feel guilty…later.  Right then, I was not feeling guilty.  I wasn’t necessarily angry either.  I just knew that I had threatened and it was time to make good on my promise. 

As I said, I don’t know when I spanked him last and I have threatened for some time plus his smart mouth had become increasingly worse over the course of the last two weeks.  He thinks he should tell me how to drive, how much ice to put in a cup, when I should go to bed, etc.   You get the point, he acts like me.

Anyway, I was going to take him into the bathroom but they were occupied.  So, I took him behind the building where the concession stand was set up.  I spanked him.  He did cry, but only afterwards.  I did not spank him in anger and I did not spank him enough to hurt him which is apparent by the fact that he didn’t cry until I was done.

But, this story does not end here.  As we rounded the corner and I reached out to return the belt to Boy Genius, he crossed his arms, stuck out his lips, and yelled at me AGAIN.  

This time, I wouldn’t have been even upset if he had just said, "you hurt my leg".  Instead, he yelled it!  And I took the belt back from Boy Genius and we returned behind the building.  This time was one lick..on the other leg.  I gave him the "it hurt me worse than it hurts you" speech, the "be respectful to adults" speech and "now get back over there and sit down and behave" speech.

I returned the belt to Boy Genius.  We returned to our seats.  He remained seated, nicely, behaved, and did not back-talk, yell, smart-talk or throw any more dirt.  He had another game and he warmed up and played.  He behaved in the dugout. 

After his game, he returned to his seat and we received more of the same.  The latter that is, sitting, behaving, talking like a child should to adults and not throwing dirt on people. 

I informed him during the day at one time before I spanked him that I would be removing his toys from his room.  He could keep his books but no toys.  He knew I wasn’t kidding about it but apparently at that time it wasn’t enough to calm his tongue.

We came home, they took baths and everyone headed to bed around 11:30.  Yes, 11:30.  My kids normally go to bed by 7:30.  That’s another reason why we have let some of his behavior slide as well.  He has baseball practice two nights a week from approximately 6:30 til 8:00.  That means that he isn’t getting in bed until a little after 9:00.  Some weeknights they have played and he hasn’t made it to bed until closer to 10. 

We have given him the benefit of the doubt.  But, he wasn’t phased or didn’t care that I would be removing his toys.  And I did what I have been threatening to do for over 9 months, maybe a year.  And it helped.

Until he got out of bed this morning.  When he was reminded that he was to go remove the toys from his room, he crossed his arms, stomped his feet and yelled "Whhhyyyy?"

That lasted all day.  Boy Genius threatened to spank him but never did it.  I think he felt bad for Ditto Boy yesterday too.  No one said a word to me about it.  I have heard plenty of parents over the course of the last three months discuss spanking their children and threaten to do so.  No one has ever made the threat a reality while at the park.  But, there was nothing left for me to do.

I wonder who and if anyone will mention it when we return tomorrow night to play again in the tournament.  I wonder if some innocent bystander thinks I went overboard and calls the authorities on me.  And I wonder………..

I just wonder…..really…that’s all, I just wonder…..