Mom~E~Centric

I wrote the posts about Mini Me as a series and then post-stamped them with the date and time for them to post.  And, this is no different because I really wanted those of you who are interested to read the whole story before I told you about our decision.

The decision has been made.  The appointment with Alabama Psychiatric Services is Monday, January 19th at 9:30.  They have this horrible policy by which I have to drive 90 miles one way to see the therapist alone.  I feel out 9000 pieces of paper on the kid and I speak with the therapists.  Then, I drive 90 miles home, one way.

Then, and only then, they set up an appointment for Mini Me to come see them.  So, then I have to survive 90 miles with Mini Me for him to see the doctor and therapist.  We gather all of our information and then we drive the 90 miles one way back home.

Sounds like a lot of crap but it is the closest place that will handle children and these issues.  The therapist that called reassured me that they saw this often and they had ways of helping.

So, there’s the plan.  Now what do you think?  Good?  Bad?  Ugly?

I know that part of what ails my four year old is that he has his grandmother’s stubborn disposition.  This is a quote from me from one of the four parts of this saga…

“I didn’t speak to him.  When we arrived home I sent him to his toy room and made him stay for over an hour.”

My mother is the Queen of the silent treatment.  Not me, I have too much to say to give someone the silent treatment for very long or very often.  But my mother, she would get mad at me for something and not speak to me for 2 or 3 days  She has done that in my adult life many times as well.  She simply doesn’t approve of something I’ve done, and she quits calling, she doesn’t come around, nothing.  She can go a long time at that rate too.

Once when I was young, probably in the neighborhood of 10, she and her then husband got into an argument.  And, he earned “the silent treatment”.  Here’s the wonky part, they lived in same house, slept in same bed, she cooked meals like nothing was wrong, she done everything just like  nothing was wrong…except she simply did not speak one word to him.

Ok, so big deal you say, that happens all the time with couples.  Well, here’s the extra wonky part…..she did this for SIX FREAKIN’ WEEKS.  I am not kidding, for 6 weeks she gave someone in the same house, same bed, same meal table the silent treatment.

So, when she complains about Mini Me and calls him stubborn, I simply start a rant about “pots calling kettles black” and she backs down.  But, I thought it might help explain to you guys where Mini Me got the stubborn gene.

I always said I would not do that to my kids.  I was miserable when she would go days without speaking to me.  And, I swore I wasn’t going to do that to my children.  But, the fits he is throwing as of late, I have to just not say anything to keep from going over board.

So, in the last post, I asked for your advice about how to handle the potty training.  And, I’m not looking for more tactics.  I’m looking for something deeper, something more in depth.  So…

Would you resort to the plan of spending the day in the bathroom with him until he sits on the potty, blocking his way out and locking up the pull-ups.  Here’s a suggestion from a reader.

Take a day and DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

get a HUGE pile of books from the library

camp out in the bathroom – DO NOT LEAVE THE BATHROOM FOR ANY REASON

Do not bring anything but books into the bathroom – no toys

bring something for you to read

Tell him that if he sits on his potty sans clothes, you’ll read out loud to him, but otherwise you’ll read to yourself.

Sit with your back to the door, so he can’t run out

stay there

repeat for a few days

and another one who suggested…

aside of a ped/ psych eval….my best suggestion….assuming nothing medically is wrong…

1. put the pullups under lock and key…literally….there will be no sneaking! 1 pullup a night for sleep..although mine was dry at night before i even tried to train. (Nothing to drink 2 hrs b4 bed)

2. take a day….and go cold turkey….it’s underwear/training and plastic pants. plan on several days w/o leaving the house.

3. He doesn’t wear the above…..he gets nothing…and mean it…no tv, no toys, no nothing – not even food. To get anything…he has to wear the above. This is not up for negotiation!

4. once an hour..he sits on the potty…1st in clothes, than naked but…see above.

5. He sits, he gets a rewards…once sitting is established, he pees/poops he gets reward. Reading on the pot is good to give him something positive,

6. He has an accident…he cleans it up. (to the best of his ability.)

7. If you must leave the house (to take other child to school?) He’s in plastic pants, sits on the potty b4 and after trip, and keep trip as short as possible.

Good luck, it seems you have quite a willful child there…but you can make it so he has no choice…it’s training pants for you buster!

What would you do?  Would you try the above strategies?  Would it matter to you that I feel like there is a deeper issue and that I am going to cause him stress for the long term if I try these methods?  I don’t know what I think could be wrong with him but he really has been a difficult child in his 4 years.

I woke up in a fairly decent mood.  Little did I know that the Mini Me wasn’t going to wake up in such a pleasant mood.  When I was writing this post in my head earlier while driving (and tweeting and eating – all at the same time), I was going to make it funny.  But, the fact of the matter is, there is nothing funny about it.  There is absolutely nothing funny about the manner in which my four year old behaves.

I’ve reached a point with him where I am ready to investigate options of having him tested.  I’m going to quote some bits and pieces from another blog so as not to retype the whole thing.  Don’t give up on the post there if some of it you already know about the potty training issues, but I want to add some details at the end and then of course, ask for advice.

Just for background, this discussion is about my 4 year old, Mini Me (Jace).  The subject is really his attitude, his behavior, is outlook, his stubbornness.  I have a couple of ideas and reasons for why I think things are happening like they are, but I want to throw you the bone, I’ll help fetch it later.  If you read my tweets today, you know that I was stressing and I mean seriously stressing.

Here are the pieces and parts of the post/email from an earlier date.

As for his potty training.  I don’t discuss it anymore.  I will only go to the doctor because “I” feel there might be an issue.  People have been pushing me for a year to take him.  I would hire teachers at the daycare who would say, “I have 4 boys at home, I can potty train him” and about 2 months later, they would say, “have you considered taking him to the doctor”.

And, then there’s more…

“….we’ve tried all the tactics that every single person in the world has recommended.  He picked out some cool underwear about 9 months ago, they sit on top of the fridge, they are suppose to taunt him into going to the potty.  He can have them when he has gone one week during the day and stayed dry.  They are growing dust bunnies.  I let him pick out a huge bag of candy.  I put a bowl on top of the fridge beside the candy (and the underwear) and told him that every time he used the potty, he could put one piece of candy in the bowl and after supper he could have ALL THE CANDY IN THE BOWL.  He has yet to get one piece.  We have a sticker chart we use that I started because they wouldn’t sleep in their beds.  It worked for that, but he has yet to earn one sticker for pottying….in 3 months…not one sticker.
I bought some plastic pants like you put over cloth diapers.  But, that only works if you can get the underwear and plastic pants on him.  So, what does he do?  He sneaks every morning and gets him a pull-up while I”m getting other stuff ready for school and…….then he will sneak and change it without my knowing.  The only time we’ve been successful is when he has poopy pants and then we can force the underwear and plastic pants on him afterwards.   But as soon as we turn our backs, he has sneaked and put on a pull-up.
So, common sense says, “don’t buy pull-ups” but even the 5 year old has to have them at night and if we don’t buy daytime pull-ups, the kid will sneak and put on night time ones to keep from wearing underwear.  He has no issues what so ever at bath time with taking his clothes off and running around naked yelling, “see my booty, my naked booty” (oops, that was my fault and my husband hates me for it) but he will not even get near the toilet.  My mom bought him a potty chair, he wears it on his head and absolutely refuses to even sit on it with his clothes on.  Our doctor suggested that last summer we should let him pee on the grass.  Ha, good one, he won’t let anyone near him to pull his pants down.

And, then there’s this….

I’ve also had another philosophy for sometime and it is something that kept me sane when they were newborns, that is, “You can’t control when they eat (what yes, but when, nope), you can’t control when they sleep (or how long or how long it takes them to go to sleep) and you can’t control when they poop.
And, in this case, I honestly can’t control when he pee’s either.

Another suggestion came like this…

My mom suggested that “30 years ago they would have spanked his bottom for wetting or pooping in his clothes” and I said, “yes but is that necessary?  I might have to eventually do that but right now, I’m not”  to which my mom replied, “well, that’s fine, but if you decide to do that, don’t do it in front of me”

Now, a few extra issues that I want to add in here for some thought…

1.  I did potty train between the ages of 2 and 3 (or so says my mom) but even then and for several years after that I would gag and heave and sometimes throw up when I pooped.

2.  Up until about 6 months ago we had to FORCE Mini Me to take his own pull-up to the trash.  He couldn’t stand the idea of touching it.  And, if it was poopy, he would really squawk.

3.  Once I was going to make him clean himself up.  I got his pull-up off of him while he was standing and then tried to hand him the wipes.  He started to gag and cry.  He wouldn’t even touch the wipe.  He will use the wipes to wash his hands and face but that day, he was not even going to try to wipe with that wipe.

4.  Ditto Boy potty trained a few months after he turned 3 and then it was maybe another month or so before he would poop in the potty.  But, once he started pooping in the potty, he has NEVER EVER NEVER NEVER NEVER once asked me to wipe his butt.

5.  It makes me so sick that I have even called my mom to come to my house to change one of the kids if she was home and I didn’t think I was going to be able to handle it.  And, Mini Me knows this.  I am certain that he holds his bowl movements until his dad gets home.

6.  I puked once when I was pregnant with Mini Me while someone changed a poopy diaper on Ditto Boy in the other end of the house.

7.  When someone asks Mini Me a question regarding the potty, he bows his head, hides and refuses to say one word.  Not just strangers, but my husband and I cannot get an answer out of him either.  NOTHING.

Ok, so there’s the potty issues in a nutshell.  If it were you, knowing just that information, what would you do?

To Be Continued…………

If you haven’t had enough of me today, check me out over at 24/7 Moms…

So, everything is still in a big whirlwind. I mean, am I selling, maybe? I am going to continue to operate? Am I going to keep my license but let someone else run it under me, at least for a while? Am I going to close it, sell all the stuff, and forget it ever existed? Honestly, I’ve called everyone I know that might be interested. Everyone agrees that my asking price is too much. But, you know, if you don’t aim high, you get nothing close to what you really need. And, I am only asking what I put in it, does that seem so bad? I just want what I have in it, nothing more, but nothing less.

That’s freakin’ adorable eh? No, it isn’t! What is his malfunction these days? How long can the terrible 2′s last, he’s freakin’ 3 1/2, and do not warn of some F(*Y% Fours! He will never make it!